Monday, May 01, 2006

Here we are again.

You turn around one more time and there you are again. Right back to where you started. As far away as you might think you've gone you still come right back to you. Oh boy. Where you gonna go next? There is no escape, huh? There is only letting go right into you. I gotta be me. But I love the negative drama of running away and pretending that I'm not who I think I am. This is never more clear than when you face the contraction of yourself due to fear caused by a hundred different phantoms. It can happen at a glance. Even a stranger's disapproval can set me into a shame spiral. Or the opposite. A beautiful woman's smile can make me feel like Ulysses. But both states are incredibly fleeting as they rely on an external identity to support my well being. Moving in a sea of egoistic paranoia is not so easy. I have no idea what other people are perceiving when they experience me at all. In fact, I don't think they do either. We are in a collective illusion, the nature of which is being fed by a ravenous false self that is set on ruling all living things. It is a disease. Most of this, of course, lives in my mind, in my thoughts. There is no there there. There is my processing, my reactions, my part, my living beingness. Once I energize the canvas of Maya it is very hard to realize that I'm playing a very dangerous game. By observation of my tendencies, by seeing how my mind judges each event as well as my own thoughts about it, I begin a transmutation of limited perception. I move through a dimensional doorway to unity with all that is. My world changes radically and what was once adverserial becomes brotherly. We create the world we see. We are doing it at all times only we don't know it and certainly don't want to admit we have that power of perception. Our attitude is everything.


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