The parasitic mass

The ultimate description of evil is that which needs to control. At least that is my ultimate description. For as long as I can remember, the world and my mind has attempted to control me, to put me in my place. But that is childs play compared to the relentless fire wheel known as my mind. It takes one act of evil outside to begin the process of evil within. Or vice versa. And the nuclear device known as my mind begins its action of using me. On certain days in particular, and I cannot predict when, it is suffocating. I no longer blame the realities of the world for my insanity. What I do blame, however, is the parasitic mass known as my ego. The ego I refer to is an automated machine thats sole purpose is to possess and control me. Once it has done so, it then chops me into little pieces then reconstructs me once again to chop me up into little pieces over and over again. It's main goal is to kill and resurrect me so that it can grow forever. It's ultimate aim is to overthrow God. By overthrowing God it separates me from myself, my ultimate reality, and removes the spiritual essence of my existence: my peace of mind.

When this mental ordinance is used, I am assaulted and see the world and its environs as a hostile entity. My only recourse is to save myself by hiding or running or fighting back. The damage, of course, is that I am running from that which is not real. But it uses a fabrication of reality to dupe me into obeying it. It is not only within, it is without. It is both a mental projection and a very material essence. It exists through mentation as well as human evil in the physical world. It is joined at the hip, as it were.

When I am "assaulted" I find that I have only one solution: God. However, my God contact is very often inaccesable to me depending on my spiritual condition. There are days when my God presence has been severely compromised. When this happens, the furies proactively increase their intentional energy to convince me of my essential limitation as a finite, cut off entity whose life is totally meaningless and is also responsible for the ills and foibles of the world. I then shut down completely and withdraw into a shell of ivory. Do not enter is my sign for the day.

People who are not concious simply cannot understand what occurs in someone who is become enlightened. They haven't a clue as to what goes on in the surrender process. They haven't a whimper of an idea of the agony of getting right sized from the illness of the ego, the ISM. Those with the disease, particularly those who are in recovery, are the only ones who can fully grasp the enormity of what it means to enter an unconcious world on a daily basis with innocence and vulnerability intact. Evils (egos) entire trip is to control those who are being set free.

It is not a one way deal. Turning it over means getting free for a while and then being brought back again. Laughing at the seriousness of the world and then believing I am responsible for it. It is a dance on a fire pit. That is why the aboriginal peoples of the world have such wisdom. They have integrated the madness of this dilemma, this untenable position of the human animal, and have built a soul from the shards of the broken pillars.