Friday, September 15, 2006

The parasitic mass

The ultimate description of evil is that which needs to control. At least that is my ultimate description. For as long as I can remember, the world and my mind has attempted to control me, to put me in my place. But that is childs play compared to the relentless fire wheel known as my mind. It takes one act of evil outside to begin the process of evil within. Or vice versa. And the nuclear device known as my mind begins its action of using me. On certain days in particular, and I cannot predict when, it is suffocating. I no longer blame the realities of the world for my insanity. What I do blame, however, is the parasitic mass known as my ego. The ego I refer to is an automated machine thats sole purpose is to possess and control me. Once it has done so, it then chops me into little pieces then reconstructs me once again to chop me up into little pieces over and over again. It's main goal is to kill and resurrect me so that it can grow forever. It's ultimate aim is to overthrow God. By overthrowing God it separates me from myself, my ultimate reality, and removes the spiritual essence of my existence: my peace of mind.

When this mental ordinance is used, I am assaulted and see the world and its environs as a hostile entity. My only recourse is to save myself by hiding or running or fighting back. The damage, of course, is that I am running from that which is not real. But it uses a fabrication of reality to dupe me into obeying it. It is not only within, it is without. It is both a mental projection and a very material essence. It exists through mentation as well as human evil in the physical world. It is joined at the hip, as it were.

When I am "assaulted" I find that I have only one solution: God. However, my God contact is very often inaccesable to me depending on my spiritual condition. There are days when my God presence has been severely compromised. When this happens, the furies proactively increase their intentional energy to convince me of my essential limitation as a finite, cut off entity whose life is totally meaningless and is also responsible for the ills and foibles of the world. I then shut down completely and withdraw into a shell of ivory. Do not enter is my sign for the day.

People who are not concious simply cannot understand what occurs in someone who is become enlightened. They haven't a clue as to what goes on in the surrender process. They haven't a whimper of an idea of the agony of getting right sized from the illness of the ego, the ISM. Those with the disease, particularly those who are in recovery, are the only ones who can fully grasp the enormity of what it means to enter an unconcious world on a daily basis with innocence and vulnerability intact. Evils (egos) entire trip is to control those who are being set free.

It is not a one way deal. Turning it over means getting free for a while and then being brought back again. Laughing at the seriousness of the world and then believing I am responsible for it. It is a dance on a fire pit. That is why the aboriginal peoples of the world have such wisdom. They have integrated the madness of this dilemma, this untenable position of the human animal, and have built a soul from the shards of the broken pillars.


Blogger Michael Pascoe said...

You suffer from genius maximus. You have an exceptional natural capacity of intellect. Especially in the area related to the creative nature. Your mind fills up with so much knowledge, it competes with each other. You look at problems in many different ways. You also find new perspectives that no one else has taken.
You are not alone. Those that have this capacity are troubled and misunderstood. Even those we acknowledge as brilliant thinkers. Even though Newton, Einstein, and da Vinci were genius’ they were still misunderstood during their time.
Leonardo da Vinci believed, to gain knowledge about the form of a problem, you begin by learning how to restructure it in many different ways. He too had conflicting thoughts competing inside. What he did when this happened was to acknowledge that his first thought was biased. Then he reconstructed it to make it a new one.
When Einstein thought through a problem, he always found it necessary to formulate his subject in as many different ways as possible. This included diagrams. He visualized solutions, and believed that words and numbers as such did not play a significant role in his thinking process.
Besides, having many different thought running through your head is not bad anyway. Physicist Niels Bohr believed, that if you held opposites together, then you suspend your thought. Then your mind moves to a new level. Suspending thought and logic Captain, may allow your mind to create a new form.
Also, my friend if your mind does conflict like that, then you are in company with such thinkers as Aristotle. Aristotle believed that the individual who had the capacity to perceive resemblances between two separate areas of existence and link them together was a person of special gifts. (Have you ever heard of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates? ... Morons.)

The point I’m trying to make is, you are a very deep person and I love to read the inner workings of your thought process. Instead of suffering from it, acknowledge the brilliance that is you. I don’t know how you can take advantage of this wonderful gift. If there was only some kind of medium that you can use. . . Ah, there is. Huh, you’re using it now. Keep it up. We need deep thinkers like you.

Your friend always,


3:19 PM  
Blogger Michael Pascoe said...

Wow, what a game! I had a weird dream last night. I dreamt that the Dodgers lost big to the Padres again to fall to 1 ½ games behind. I woke up from the dream and was really upset. In fact, I was hoping that the fourth and final game of the season between the two would be a day just to get it over with. No… it’s had to a night game.

Sure enough, in the first inning the Padres scored four runs. Then the Dodgers cut the lead in half. Good. The dream was not going to come true. I had a feeling they would come back. Then they tied it up. Whoa yeah, I see victory. Bases loaded. Ah, they could not score.

I wondered if this squandered opportunity would come back to haunt them. It did. Padres got the lead back. Kenny Lofton brought the Dodger back within one just to have the Padres brake it open in the eighth.

Then something weird happened. The camera showed the fans leaving the game. The red lights in the parking lot reminded me of Kirk Gibson in 1988. I thought to myself… They can do it.

The lead off homerun by Kent. Boy has he helped the Dodgers when they need it. I thought cool. No outs, they can get a rally going. Then another homerun. Great!!! They cut the lead in half. This is do able. Then Trevor Hoffmann came up to relieve for the Padres. He has given the Dodger trouble. But I wasn’t worried. Vince Scully said that he started to warm–up only to sit down and give way to another pitcher. I knew this had meaning. Now that he had to warm-up again and come in, I had a feeling this was the chance to break this string.

And sure enough it did. Before you can say touch them all, the Dodgers tied it up. From that point on, I knew this night was special. I was not even upset when the Padres went ahead in the top of the tenth. The Dodgers held them to one run. Cool.

Their ace was gone. Who else do they have? No one. Then Noma came up. I thought, there is a reason the Dodgers traded for him. And sure enough, bam. Another homerun. What a night.

Your friend always,


12:19 AM  
Blogger Tony Forkush said...

I took all of twenty four hours to go from complete elation to absolute crushing despair again. After the rousing, historic finish of the night before, the Dodgers forgot about a man who has all the motivation in the world to want to beat them: former manager Jim Tracy and his new and improved Pirates. They came into the ravine and absolutely crushed the Dodgers.

The Padres, on the other hand, were completely unfazed by the previous nights affairs. They very calmly took care of business by beating the D-Backs 5-2 to leapfrog the Dodgers back into first place yet again.

That other team from the city of brotherly love continues to win and now is only one game behind the Dodgers in the wild card.

The Dodgers inability to play consistent baseball will be their downfall, I predict. Especially when they arrive in San Francisco to face a team that is going nowhere but has history on its side. Over and over again one or the other has knocked the other out of the playoffs and this year the Giants are in that spoiler role.

If, and that is the biggest if I can muster, if the Dodgers make the postseason I believe they will be a factor. But all indicators tell me that they will come up short and all the magic and exuberation will be a faded memory only to be highlighted on ESPN classic for a night.

Your friend in faithlessness,

8:00 AM  
Blogger Michael Pascoe said...

Great. You wait until the next day to comment. I too am disappointed with the turn of events in the last twenty-four hours. Who do you blame? The pitching I assume because the offense scored a lot of runs. And you can’t expect them to come from behind every night. The Dodgers middle relievers are suspect.

Tonight we have Maddux. I don’t like the way he was treated a couple of starts ago. Graddy had him intentionally walk the batter knowing he was going to take Mad Dog out. If he would have waited until the relief pitcher came in to do the intentional walk, the loss would have not gone to Maddux.

If you are going to do such a move, at least led Greg pitch his way out. If you are going to take him out, then do so to preserve the win. Not to set him up for a loss.

The Dodgers have many lessons to learn before the playoffs. I hope one lesson will not be learned as they sit and watch the playoff from their television sets.

10:06 AM  
Blogger Tony Forkush said...

Well, Billingsley stepped up big time last night. And the Dodger bullpen got right with itself. We also had some breaks go our way. The Padres somehow found a way to beat Brandon Webb, the Cy Young candidate from Arizona. But at least we remain a half game back and a half game up in the wild card.

One team is going to get their heart ripped out form it's chest before this is all said and done. And it just feels like a set up for it to be the Dodgers at the hands of the hated ones in SF.

7:36 AM  
Blogger Michael Pascoe said...

What was it that Yogi Berra said? “It’s déjà vu all over again.” How I remember when we needed the Giants help in beating the other team only to play the role of the spoiler. The only difference here is that the Giants are still mathematically in the pennant race. I feel that they are going to play San Diego tough.

When I watch the Dodgers, I don’t know if they are tired, or what, but they seem like they are two steps behind. I hope they have enough in the tank to finish the season. Like you said, I don’t want that great come from behind game to be forgotten. If they go all the way, it will be remembered like Gibson’s classic homerun. If not, it will be something people will talk about when they visit Cooperstown.

Your friend always,


1:57 PM  
Blogger Michael Pascoe said...

It’s so funny. If the Dodgers don’t win this year, we’ll be upset. But in reality we shouldn’t. The way they played earlier this year, I didn’t expect them to make the playoffs anyway. That stretch run after the All-star break was exhilarating. I wish they were that same team. However, I’m just glad that they are in the playoff hunt again. It feels good.

The problem is that it’s been almost twenty years since the Dodgers won the World Series. Unless they win it all, I don’t think any of will be entirely satisfied.

It’s like last year the Lakers finally played to the caliber they should be at. And we should have been happy by it. However, because they are in a rebuilding stage, that means we have to wait until it’s complete. It’s hard because the seasons are so long.

I think the Dodgers are in a rebuilding year too. It’s just that we’ve been waiting a long time for them to return to glory it’s maddening. What can you do? Let’s just hope for the best.

Your friend always,


1:23 PM  
Blogger Michael Pascoe said...

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed.
As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation.
They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said: "I don't believe that God exists."

"Why do you say that?"asked the customer.

"Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children?

If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving a God who would allow all of these things."

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop.

Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and un-kept.

The customer turned back and entered he barber shop again and he said to the barber:
"You know what? Barbers do not exist."

"How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!"

"No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."

"Ah, but barbers DO exist! What happens is, people do not come to me."

"Exactly!"- affirmed the customer. "That's the point!

God, too, DOES exist! What happens, is, people don't go to Him and do not look for Him. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."


1:18 AM  
Blogger Tony Forkush said...

Nomar Garciaparra is PROOF POSITIVE that God exists! What he has done this week has shown me once again how little (get it?)faith I have. How quickly I turn to disaster and give up. In Baseball, more than all other sports combined, the impossible is possible. And the Dodgers, more than any team in memory, have been the impossible team over and over again. This season is astonishing! They have given this city so much. And I mean so much of everything: hope, exasperation, fear, faith, elation, resignation and triumph.

I can't say if this team will even make it. But the mark of a champion is heart foremost and always. You got to have talent and leadership but heart is the single most valuable assest for a team. Even in losing.

Thank you Tommy Lasorda. And a happy 79th birthday. I feel the Dodgers coming back to life after a long long slumber.

Take care Michael. Don't give up. "Never give up. Never surrender".
-Galaxy Quest.

9:17 PM  
Blogger Michael Pascoe said...

I don’t think if this team is meant to win it all or not. The true test of this team is to remind us that sports is supposed to be watched and enjoyed. We get so preoccupied with championships, we seem to forget that.

I too think this team is special. Unfortunately, they will not be remembered unless they win it all. I saw the recent documentary narrated by Charlie Steiner. It capsuled the great Dodger teams from the past, win or lose. Maybe some day this years Dodgers will not be forgotten. They are special and we should always remember how they brought the city of L.A. together again.

On the upside, they do have six games left with teams they have known to dominate. The Dodgers are not that good on the road, but they managed to beat Colorado and San Francisco even at their own park.

However, the Dodgers are in a slump right now. They should have beaten both Milwaukee and Chicago. Then they would not have gotten in this mess.

San Diego is playing a tough Arizona team. If one uses common logic, the Pirates gave the Dodgers a tough time, ergo they should have given the Padres a tough time. This did not work (as you know, in sports that never plays out that way.) Arizona gave the Dodgers a tough time this weekend, so lets hope they can keep it up and play the spoiler with the other So Cal team.

What jazzes me up is that the Padres are going to play the Cards. Hopefully after Monday, the Dodgers will be a full game back. Can we count on the Cardinals? It think so. They want to clinch their division. St. Louis is in a struggle with Houston, even though they have a three in a half game lead. Houston will not go away. It seemed like the Cardinals post season bid was all about sewn up. Then they came to Texas. Also, Houston will be playing the Phillies for one game. So you know they will play them tough because they need to. With their help, the Dodgers could be tied with Philadelphia after Monday.

So it looks like the Dodgers have their fate in their own hands again. Lets see if they can complete this wonderful journey.

Your friend always,


1:47 AM  
Blogger Tony Forkush said...

Well, my friend, we are in a flat footed tie with Phily for the wild card. it looks like the west has been lost. But don't be so sure. Chris Carpenter goes tonight and the Cards are in a must win situation as well because, as you mentioned, the Astros are breathing right up their asses. Plus, of all the Jamie Bozian things you can imagine, the Reds are only 3 and a half games out. So the Cards better get their shit together and fast or they may be toast.

That being said, we are forgetting that the real key is the Dodgers have to take care of their own business, which has seemed almost impossible this month. Nothing they do surprises me anymore. They may run the table or lose every single game this week and be an after thought.

I really appreciate your seeing the bigger picture about this team. I too have gotten caught up in the winner take all philosophy of our time. If that were the case back in the 50's, then "Dem Bums" would never have been so lovable. O'Malley would have probably gotten rid of Jackie Robinson as well. What people also don't realize is that Nomar's grand salami on Sunday may in fact have been his very last at bat as a Dodger, believe it or not. That would be terribly sad. But he gaves us a hell of a year!

Your buddy,

8:03 AM  
Blogger Michael Pascoe said...

I hope Nomar will not leave the Dodgers. He has given us so much this year. This is the only complaint I have about baseball. Just when you fall in love with a player, he is gone.

Because baseball is a long season, I noticed that teams play in spurts. Let’s hope that the Dodgers got the losing out of their system and right themselves for the last push. If they don’t, I still love them. They gave me a great thrill this year.

Also, I did something crazy. I auditioned for the traffic announcer for our local television station. I did pretty good, but you know show biz. You’re just one of many. It’s all up to those that decide.

I don’t even care anymore. If I get it, then fine. This will not make or break me.

So until we meet again, Auf Wiedersehen.

Your friend always.


12:05 PM  
Blogger Michael Pascoe said...

What a strange and wacky game that was. It looked like the Dodgers had a comfortable 8- 3 lead against the Rockies. Then they score seven runs in one inning. Then the Dodger turn around and they scored seven runs in one inning. And then after 3 hours and 40 minutes later, the Dodgers are now one and half games ahead of the Phillies and a half game behind the Padres.

As Vin Scully would say, hold on to your hats because there are three games left to this rollercoaster season.

4:19 PM  
Blogger Michael Pascoe said...

The Giants and Dodger games are never easy. Dodgers score four unanswered runs to take the lead and before you know it, the Giants have runners on second and third with one out. It seemed the worst they were going to do was to tie the game up and send it into extra innings. Then a great catch in the stands in foul territory and three wide pitches I thought, struck out the last batter to preserve the win. Who cares if it looked like those pitches did not cross the plate, we’ll take it.

Now the Dodgers clinch at least a tie for the playoffs. Can they possible blow it now? (It’s possible. It’s possible.)

Until next time, your friend always,


11:51 PM  
Blogger Jerry'O said...

ENOUGH with the baseball already!!! Can we please go back to the Jew rant. . ? Please. . ? Pretty please. . ?

8:58 PM  
Blogger Tony Forkush said...

Jerry: LOL!!!!

3:24 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home