They didn't teach us about this in school.
I have never hesitated to write about my life on this blog. Perhaps one time only have I questioned the prudence of what I have said publicly in this forum, mostly regarding my feelings about work since my ego fears it needs a job. But what I am about to write here, while acceptable and welcome by me, may irreversibly change the relationships I have with certain people in my life. I recognize this fact but, at least for the moment, I am certainly not in charge of my life.
As many of you know, one week ago last Tuesday I was seated in the library at Hollywood High School when I was overwhelmed with a feeling of love and light. The progenitor of this experience was very clear to identify himself as Sathya Sai Baba, the Indian Avathar and Yogi. Since that time I have written quite extensively about phenomena which I have been experiencing and continue to experience dramatically.
Last Saturday evening I attended an evening ceremony at the Sai Baba Temple of Hollywood, an inauspicious dwelling located off Wilcox. The attendees were mostly of Indian extraction and, surprisingly to me, of Hispanic origin. There were two whites, myself and a young musician named Will. The Bhajans, or songs of devotion, were being led in Spanish, English and Hindi by a Latin man playing Mrdangam (a South Indian drum), and the owner of the home, a diminutive rather pixiesh man named Wilson. Surrounding us were huge photographs of Sai Baba on the walls. One photograph in particular was the central altar photograph which was the focus of the devotions and prayers. At one point the group got up and held aloft a flame in front of the photo illuminating it. Later on in the evening, I stopped and looked at the photograph more closely for several minutes. Baba's eyes were strange. There was something intensely strange about his eyes, and the photo in general. I wasn't quite sure what it was. At that moment, a very nice older Indian woman came up to me and said "it's like he's looking directly at you. He's looking directly into your soul and heart". The hair on the back of my neck stood up.
Before I left, Wilson gave me a beautiful photo of Sai Baba, poster sized, as well as two books to read and a wallet sized photo. I went home and immediately put the photo up on my wall, brought out candles and fruit and his books, and made a modest shrine/altar. It felt quite nice and very relaxed.
This is where things begin to get complicated. Last night I sat in front of the photograph, both with the candles lit and without but with electric lighting. The photo is Sai Baba from the waist up looking out in his orange robe, both hands held aloft towards the observer. I sat in front of the photo and felt a deep calm come over me. I also felt a hypnotic pull from the photo, something deeper than the external image it shows.
What happened next has changed my entire universe.
Within five minutes of focusing on the photo, both of his hands began to move. First the left hand, swaying minutely, then the right hand. Next his fingers began to wiggle, imperceptibly then very obviously. The hem of his garment near the right side of his hip began to flow. His left eyebrow raised. His eyes narrowed and his head moved briefly from side to side. His lips moved twice but did not appear to be saying anything specific. The eyeballs now moved like those mystery films where a person is standing behind the painting. Finally, an emanation of circular blue light emanated from his heart like a firework. It lasted a second and then faded. Writing these words now makes my heart beat faster and my mind spinning with total incredulity. At the time it was happening, I never felt afraid. On the contrary, I felt delighted, amazed. I laughed myself silly, giddy. What is this trickery? Did he get together with an animation company to Disney-fy the photo, like in the Haunted Mansion? Is the candlelight coupled with my twelve hour day causing me to space out here? What the motherfuck is going on people?
I meditated this morning in front of the photo. The movements were much more minute, but still prevalent. I left the house and went to breakfast. I am still processing the implications of this. Whether this is my own mind manifesting a kind of wishful hallucination at the psychic level, or actually Baba himself, I have yet to come to terms with. But obviously many many people, thousands to be exact, have experienced an alteration in their consciousness from this man. I am not alone in my being touched by a seemingly irrational, impossible alteration of time and space. There is absolutely no question in my mind that Baba himself is doing this. And I am directly part of this universal unveiling. The Avathar brings not only love, but a direct shattering of the conventional ideas of reality. The ego must be shattered to its core for the heart to shine through. I hope to God I am ready for this.
Om Shanti Om. Namaste. May all beings dwell in peace. May love guide our planet. May the heart shine through all illusions. Welcome Sathya Sai Baba into my heart.