Thursday, April 19, 2007

Time to get some happiness in here.

As I discontinue the pattern of self-destruction in my life and move closer to self-care on a daily basis, I am met with a new conundrum: how to get happy.

For some still inexplicable reason, I feel I do not deserve to be happy, that in fact happiness is for other people not for me. I don't really understand where this idea comes from. I like being happy. I really do. I think it has something to do with being weighted down by the disappointments of my life, the losses, the tragedies impinging on my ability to simply "be". When I mean "be" I mean the being-ness of my childhood. When I was a kid I was completely involved in the moment without concern for time. As time began to laden heavily on my mind, I began to distrust the present moment. I no longer wanted to be hurt, which required a hardened shell and a cynicism that could protect me from the chaos and changes inevitable in life. I began to shut down.

There are numerous schools of thoughts about where happiness resides. Does happiness reside in my mental affirmation of my self worth? Or does it lie in a more amorphous area, the area of my higher self? Is happiness, as Victor Frankl wrote in "Man's Search for Meaning", a by-product of right action and commitment? Is it "the space in-between" where the silence is? What, in fact, is happiness?

I am beginning the journey to find out. I think it's the right time to begin opening my self to this most precious gift. As Dennis Prager says "Happiness is a responsibility". Abraham Lincoln said "People tend to be as happy as they make up their minds to be". I think happiness is different than peace of mind. I think of happiness as peace of mind mixedwith fun. I am so in love with my tears though. Can I continue to feel and experience beauty and be happy? It seems as though I might be able to experience it more the happier I become.


Blogger Cathy said...

Hi Tony

I want you to be happy

Love, your cousin Cathy

4:48 PM  
Blogger Tony Forkush said...

Hi Cathy. Thank you for your wish for me. I wish it for you and Gene and your whole family as well. I believe it is possible to be happy. Some of us just seem to hold on to our old sad self for so long that we forget the joy of life. As long as I'm alive I know that happiness is a true goal.
You are always welcome to write me here.
Love, your cousin Tony

8:47 AM  
Blogger Michael Pascoe said...

Dear Tony,

Why silly, happiness is a warm puppy! But cereal, happiness is in the moment. It is taking the time to swell the flowers. This is not a metaphor. I mean, swell the flowers. Enjoy God’s gift. We have a rose bush in front of our house. Every once in awhile I stop and smell them. There is no other odor like that of fresh flowers.

Now, happiness they say is what you make of it. As personal as this is, many of us share in the same happiness. I know that you and I enjoy watching a good movie. I mean, going out and seeing a movie at the theatre. Lately, I have not been able to enjoy this. It’s like Corporate America knows what we enjoy and raises the prices so we can’t partake. It’s like a drug dealer. If you like what I’m giving you, find a way to get it.

Lately, I just try to just be. This is difficult. When crap is flung at me like a monkey in a zoo, I can’t be in the happiness zone. We all know this place. When we are there, we are transported to our childhood. It’s funny you mentioned that because that’s my fondness memories too. I still have a picture of us on my parents couch on Royal Avenue when we were teenagers.

Happiness can be memories, but f**k that. I want to be happy in the here and now. So, I try to enjoy those that I love. I don’t care if I do nothing when I’m in their presence as long I’m with them. Because there are many of my friends I don’t see anymore, this can make it difficult.

Most important, happiness is being your true self. At the end of the day when the stress of work and the LA traffic bogs you down, just sit in front of the TV and watch American Idol. Yes, television should not replace happiness, but it’s a start. Then when your mind is relaxed, then get up and do something you like. Make your life meaningful to you and God.

And when you do feel unhappy, remember there are those out there that love you. Love is the true blues killer. Oh, sure it can make you sad, but when you know people that accept you for your true self, then all of the crap they dish out means nothing.

So, as Bobby McFerrin said, Don’t Worry. . . Be Happy!

Your friend always,

Michael (King of the Cliques)

12:03 PM  

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