Monday, July 21, 2008

I missed what?

Sunday afternoon, top of the eighth inning in Arizona's perspicacious dome. Jeff Kent is up at the plate and the Dodgers are down 4 to 1 to the snakes. Brandon Webb is pussifying the blue, making them suck maple on every at bat, but he seems to be tiring somewhat. Two men on. If Kent can somehow find a hole then we gotta chance.

Kent swings and hits a rocket at third baseman Mark Reynolds and there is the 5-4-3 around the horn double jackpot to effectively end the game. I turn the TV off and pick up the phone to call Dodger Talk and vent my very hot boiling jewish angst at another series loss within the division. The Dodgers are now two games back of the Diamondbacks and all that Mattingly savior crap is down the toydee.

As I wait for the show to start, on hold, I start listening to the very low radio broadcast in my receiver. I can barely make it out, but it sounds vaguely like something strange happened. Something that makes no sense. I ignore it and wait for Ken Levine and Josh Suchon to come on the line.

They pick up the phone and I start talking about this pathetic loss. The way the team rolled over once again and how Mattingly's presence may have inspired them to beat a cancer depleted Doug Davis on Friday, but that when they face real pitching, ie. Dan Haren on Saturday and Brandon Webb today, they lose all composure and choke like dogs. Believe you me, I let our boys have it.

There is a profound silence on the other end of the phone line and Ken Levine very calmly says "uh, Tony...The Dodgers scored FIVE TIMES in the top of the ninth inning and Jonathan Broxton closed them out in the bottom of the ninth to win 6 to 5". I continued my diabtribe until what he said registered in my cerebellum. I stopped dead in my tracks, realizing I had been the victim of some kind of practical joke and then looked at my MLB gameday on my computer to show the reality of what they were saying.

I apologized profusely and meekly told them that I was the cautionary tale of the year. A Dodger fan who turned the game off because the statistics were slightly in favor of the Dodger's not coming back. It may just be me, but when a team is 1 and 45 when trailing after 8 innings, it just kinda seemed like a reasonable deduction that they weren't gonna do diddly squat.

Boy, was I wrong.

I am an idiot of the first order. The fact that I actually got on the air and pontificated my disgust, makes me, perhaps, the biggest idiot of the year on the airwaves.

Tommy's Big Blue Dodger in the sky gave me a piece of humble Tommy pie today. Not to mention, I didn't get to participate in the jubilation of the series win.

Oy yoy yoy.

Forgive me Adonai.


Blogger Michael Pascoe said...

Classic Tony. We can add this to our list Jamie. I laughed until snot came out, thank you Tony I needed it. I was in a similar mindset, (But more optimistic than my friend Tony). I thought being two down was a victory. If they didn’t win that first game, they were facing being three back. This would have been a hole that would have been difficult to dig out of. But, two, though bad, would have at least been palable. (Is that even a word?)

I didn’t realize when the game was on and looked into the paper to see the start time and realized it might be over. Sport Center showed the score and they were ahead by two with two outs. I didn’t know of course that they were behind and caught up. I just saw they were ahead and about to win the series.

I couldn’t wait for the score to come rolling around again and Sports Center was talking about Jason Taylor and Greg Norman’s choke. I pulled out my cell phone and looked at the score and to my horror, the Diamondbacks scored. “No,” I yelled, “Don’t blow this thing.”

It took too long for the cell phone to update the score, so I searched to see if the game was on television. Then I turned in on just in time to see the Angels playing Boston. One of the Angels gulfed a ball what looked like a sure homer, but hooked foul. I once again yelled at the screen.

Then I hit refresh on my phone and the Dodgers closed it out. Rapture, joy! Everything is right in Dodger Town.

Then today I went on the blog to see Tony’s take on it. Surely he could not find anything negative to say about this weekend’s win over Arizona? “Of course he can. . . and stop calling me Shirley.”

I don’t know how the rest of the season will go, but I hope Torre has found the grove with this team. If he hasn’t. . . oy vey. . . we are in for more Forkush ranting.

7:54 AM  
Blogger Tony Forkush said...

Only Anthony K. Forkush could have been at the center of the most ridiculous thing to happen on Dodger Talk this year.

Now here we go with the Rockies...bounce, bounce, those mountain ranges...hey, that's turbulence...whoa! I'm gettin outta here...

1:47 PM  

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