Saturday, November 08, 2008

Fight or flight the ism.

Reminds me of the Talking Heads song: "mmh...ism".

Now that the political season is wan, I can finally get back to the original intention of this forum. Which is? Or should I say, which ism?

After roughly four years of posts, the question remains: have I, indeed, stopped the noise in my head? Have "I", whomever that I is, found a way to stop the mind from using me and begun to use my mind? Has there been significant progress on the way to stopping this noise in my head? Have I organically stopped this noise in my head without drugs and alcohol or other numbing agents or activities? In other words, have I begun to live life on life's terms?

Everyone needs to take stock of their progress from time to time. Rarely have I actually investigated if the reason for this blogs existence has justified the means. I think it is time for a little inventory.

When I began this blog, I had no clear concept of what I was aiming for, no context other than attempting to come to terms with a curative for a suffocating condition that had followed me all my life. This mental volume had been turned down to a reasonable level by abstaining from self perpetuating and self regulating belief systems via anti-depressant technology, psychotherapy, and twelve step recovery groups, all of which continued to improve the intra-cranial sound level along with books, records and tapes, and meditative techniques taught in the near and not so near East.

After meditating further on this question, I experienced the following:

There is no substitute for the self. Nothing can fill the void but the self. There is no hope for silence and peace except the self. Accept the self. It is the only way to turn off this noise in my head, which is the noise of the world. The world is temporary and will pass away. The self is eternal. The self is love. The noise is seeing others as having what I think will make me happy and whole. The self IS happy and whole now. I have everything I need at this moment to turn down the volume. Being with the self is the end point of the journey that starts from the only place it can start from, right here and right now. This is surrender. This is letting go and letting God. Wear a rubber band and snap yourself to attention. Don't stop daydreaming, start now-dreaming. The Ego doesn't stand a chance against the nature of your presence. Talk to God. Eat at Joes.

The last part I didn't fully comprehend. But I have directory assistance and its just a whisper away.


Blogger Michael Pascoe said...

Saturday should have proven to you that everyone was glad to see you. You have a low self image and can't see that everyone asked for you. When told you would be there, they all were happy.

Take stock in yourself and realize what others see in you. I'm not talking about the visual. This we can always change. I mean the true self, the one that most people love about you.

The noise. . . it will still happen as long as you are alive. When the noise ceases, be afraid. Be very afraid.

Listen to the sounds, not the noise. There is truth if you listen with your heart and not your head.

Saturday you were so together and I was impressed. From what I have read on these posts, you where a mess. Now, the guy I saw on Saturday had no anger or rage or all of the crap you have been carrying for the past few years. Your hard work has paid off.

Pat yourself on the back if you can reach that far.

12:17 AM  
Blogger Gerald Ollison said...

I haven't replied here for awhile, but I've been self-absorbed with my own stuff (employment, kid's school start, etc).

Just wanted to say I am soooooooooo glad you are back! I am sooooooooo glad you created this forum. I've taken such great joy in reading about your pain... Wait, that didn't come out right...

I've enjoyed reading about your experiences and your contemplations and, like the last time you were gone, when you don't make an entry for a long time I get very concerned...

You know, I hadn't written anything myself in years; and it's because of your influence that I've started writing again... and this has been very important to me. You've helped me turn on my own spicket again (no peepee jokes, please)...

Did your blog even have a single purpose? I wasn't sure, myself... If you think it does, then keep telling yourself whatever it is you need to tell yourself so you keep going. My point here, is that you move those of us who keep track of your thoughts in this cyberplace. You move us with humor, and to contemplate our faults and the agony of it all in the day-to-day place. I'm reminded I'm not the only one who experiences certain absurdities, and I'm reminded of my own obsessions and compulsions and how they are a just as much a part of my humanity, along with my attempts to 'fix' it.

Keep moving us.


2:24 PM  

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