Monday, April 18, 2005

It's too damn early my friend!

Another Monday morning at Hollywood High School. My mouth is kind of dry from the combination of Zyrtec, Wellbutrin and Prednazone. I have taken the Prednazone for the last three days to reduce nasal lymphatic inflammation. Last nights I took my doses of Hytrin (10mgs for deviated urethral sphincter), Seraquil (50mgs for psychosis and rage). All seems to be going well however. I watched most of Clockwork Orange on DVD last evening. I was very moved at the Ludovigo technique of character adjustment and so forth. I thought it might be effective for all my students at school. Each classroom we could attach the eye clamps and start showing them films of rap and basketball and gangs and play Tupac or Easy E. or whomever is in vogue.

I have lost my way. I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing anymore at all. This may in fact be the best thing that has ever happened to me. By societies standards I am a pathetic loser, but in the spiritual realm I am on a path towards freedom and joy. I have pretty much made my choice that the possession of the eternal and the surrender to the higher beyond is primary. I just have to follow this path and have faith. Ask for faith.

I still want the relationship, and the career, and the accolades however. "All the worst tragedies of my life never happened"...Mark Twain.


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