Keep those cards and letters coming!
All feedback seems to have stopped. It now appears that this blog is me, myself and mine alone. The comments sections are barren and nobody has commented to me AT ALL recently about any of these entries. And so I must ask myself: Am I writing these ruminations for you or for me? Is there a combination of both? Can I write for me with you in mind and then stay out of you? I want to be the bright shining star of the web with this here, you know what I mean. Now, if you aren't giving me that status how the hell am I going to enjoy myself anymore enough to want to write these things for me for you? You get what I'm saying. If I am now so focused on the fact that you have disappeared well aren't I just screaming into the wilderness? It's the proverbial if a tree falls in the forest now kids. I'm bloody alone on this island now and I guess I need to find some relationship with myself in these here writings. So, what have I got to say for myself? What am I supposed to write that takes me into account and leaves you out of it. Not exclude you per se, but just keeps me focused on what I have to say and the fun of writing. Can there be fun in writing if there is no one reading? This is a public forum for God's sake. What, should I just put my pictures and profiles on Alt.Com or MySpace.com and do it just for me with no expectation of anyone responding? What the hell is that? But then when is enough enough.
See what I'm doing here (well you don't because you've all fled)? I'm talking to me now. Watch how the mind circles around itself like a shark. It just can't write to write now can it? Fascinating Captain. ("Why thank you, Mr. Spock"). Judgement, judgement, judgement. Everyone left because you're a bad boy. If you ever open your mouth and say your truth remember Tony, there will never be any more comments at the bottom of the board. People will take their balls and go home. Why? Because watching a hampster wheel gets tiresome. But, what if this isn't a hampster wheel? And what if this isn't a pet store? What if this is really just me doing me right here? That's fair now isn't it? Well, maybe Tony, but you still won't get invited to any parties that way. That's okay, I like staying home and watching TV anyway. I've got my own party now. And you are all invited. But remember, it's a party of love and self-acceptance and ice-cream shame cakes that we drink and enjoy. Because it takes the calories out of the shame diet. I get to say what I want and be who I am and not worry about you loving me or not, even though I don't know how to do that...YET. But I know someday I will. When I really place my attention on being kind to myself, unconditionally. Which is now. Which is today.