Sunday, March 19, 2006

Keep those cards and letters coming!

All feedback seems to have stopped. It now appears that this blog is me, myself and mine alone. The comments sections are barren and nobody has commented to me AT ALL recently about any of these entries. And so I must ask myself: Am I writing these ruminations for you or for me? Is there a combination of both? Can I write for me with you in mind and then stay out of you? I want to be the bright shining star of the web with this here, you know what I mean. Now, if you aren't giving me that status how the hell am I going to enjoy myself anymore enough to want to write these things for me for you? You get what I'm saying. If I am now so focused on the fact that you have disappeared well aren't I just screaming into the wilderness? It's the proverbial if a tree falls in the forest now kids. I'm bloody alone on this island now and I guess I need to find some relationship with myself in these here writings. So, what have I got to say for myself? What am I supposed to write that takes me into account and leaves you out of it. Not exclude you per se, but just keeps me focused on what I have to say and the fun of writing. Can there be fun in writing if there is no one reading? This is a public forum for God's sake. What, should I just put my pictures and profiles on Alt.Com or MySpace.com and do it just for me with no expectation of anyone responding? What the hell is that? But then when is enough enough.
See what I'm doing here (well you don't because you've all fled)? I'm talking to me now. Watch how the mind circles around itself like a shark. It just can't write to write now can it? Fascinating Captain. ("Why thank you, Mr. Spock"). Judgement, judgement, judgement. Everyone left because you're a bad boy. If you ever open your mouth and say your truth remember Tony, there will never be any more comments at the bottom of the board. People will take their balls and go home. Why? Because watching a hampster wheel gets tiresome. But, what if this isn't a hampster wheel? And what if this isn't a pet store? What if this is really just me doing me right here? That's fair now isn't it? Well, maybe Tony, but you still won't get invited to any parties that way. That's okay, I like staying home and watching TV anyway. I've got my own party now. And you are all invited. But remember, it's a party of love and self-acceptance and ice-cream shame cakes that we drink and enjoy. Because it takes the calories out of the shame diet. I get to say what I want and be who I am and not worry about you loving me or not, even though I don't know how to do that...YET. But I know someday I will. When I really place my attention on being kind to myself, unconditionally. Which is now. Which is today.

8 Comments:

Blogger Anjeru-kun ^_^ said...

hello!
God bless.
dont be discoraged. Jesus loves you!

3:12 PM  
Blogger Jeff said...

"Captain's log, supplemental: This may be my last entry. The crew is dead. Life support failing. Ship going into a black hole where even light cannot escape. Why am I even recording this? Where are those 20th century porn tapes. I'm going out with a bang, dammit!"

Did you know that J. D. Salinger is still writing, and puts the completed novels into a safe deposit box. No one will ever read them. Kafka made his best friend swear before his death that the friend would burn all his manuscripts, few if any of which had ever been published. Kafka's buddy reneged. Lots of people write stuff no one ever reads. I wrote you a comment two days ago on your "Truth In Illness" riff, and you just plain missed it. It was really good too. And funny. This sort of stuff just happens, dude.

10:46 PM  
Blogger Michael Pascoe said...

I agree with Jeff. I write to you, send you poems, and I hear very little back. I'm not mad. I just think this internet thing is great, but no one but my dad uses it correctly.

He and his brothers chat all of the time. My dad lives in Vegas and his brothers live in Buffalo, Ny.

This is a great way to talk when your friends are far away.

Lately I don't have the time for the internet because my computer was stolen. So, what can you do?

12:16 PM  
Blogger Tony Forkush said...

No one is going to believe this but I didn't realize I could post comments to my own blog. I guess I just assumed that once someone posted a comment that, even if I did respond, the person who posted the comment had no reason to return to view my comments once they osted their comments. If you know what I mean. So, let's see if that is the truth. I am now responding to your postings. Please comment if you see this response. If not, then I have no need to respond to your response as you would no see it (the proverbial tree in the forest routine).
The Jesus girl is interesting. And cute!

12:50 PM  
Blogger Jeff said...

...and eighteen.

2:39 PM  
Blogger Michael Pascoe said...

I think she is sweet. That was nice the way she picked you up when you where down. Hey... sounds like a song.

3:06 PM  
Blogger Jeff said...

...and she's eighteen.

8:45 PM  
Blogger dndemattia said...

I read your stuff, so quit whining!

8:13 AM  

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