Thursday, May 10, 2007

Back in business.

I have taken a few weeks off from writing on this blog. Truth be told, I have been severely depressed lately. I never really quite know what is causing it. Sufficith to say, it has taken just about all my energy to cope with the world.

I have identified my life-long struggle as a war between two worlds. The first world is the world of the Ego, the relentless negative voices (yes, there are many) that tell me what I cannot do. I have often heard it referred to a KFUK radio station, all negativity all the time. The hits just keep on coming. Now, its not really the egoic negativity that of itself has the power. The power of all things reside in my decision to energize it. But it is so massively unrelenting, preys so avariciously on my doubt and self-centered fear, that it's fairly easy for me to give in to its hideousness about me. Self knowledge, or knowledge of how this works is not sufficient to deactivate it. The only power that has any chance at all is God.

When God is the power in my life I am liberated from self-centered fear and negativity. When God is the power in my life I am free from all limitations of doubt and self-hatred. When God is the power I am returned to my native state of sat-chit-ananda: being, consciousness, bliss. In order to "be restored to sanity", however, I must choose to put my faith and belief in God. I must make the choice to believe what God says to me rather than what Negativity and the Ego say to me. Again, I have the decision here.

Why does it seem that the Ego is stronger? Because the Ego is how I have identified myself as myself for the bulk of my life. Not to mention it is the singular mode of identity that the world uses as a self-concept. The Ego knows only limitation and finititude. It knows nothing of timelessness and presence. God knows all of that. It is a shift in my priorities and starts with my energizing the positive aspects of my life versus the negative stream. I need help and support to do this. It is very easy for me to lapse right back into self-pity and negativity. I choose life today. My feelings will follow if I choose life.

I am exactly where I am supposed to be at this moment. All is as it should be. I have relinquished my attachment to what my ego tells me is necessary for my happiness. I follow Gods truth and transcend the self to be of use to others and to help man and woman/kind. May all beings live with peace. May all beings live in freedom. May all beings abide in grace.


Blogger Michael Pascoe said...

I understand what you are going through. Sometimes when I should be feeling great, a dark force of gloom sits over me. There is nothing I can do about it. I try to use positive thinking to overcome it, but it doesn’t work. Then, when some fool tries to give his advice like you have to think positive, I get an emotional overload. When I try to tell this good meaning person that it doesn’t work, they don’t back down. They come at me full blast and repeat the same garbage. Instead of noticing that I am getting agitated, they insist that positive thinking works that I need to not let things bother me. Guess what, when people tell me not to let things bother me, it just gets me more bothered.

It’s like in the Producers when Max slaps Leo to try to get him to calm down, “I’m in pain. And I’m still hysterical.” Then Max throws water on him, “I’m wet. . . I’m in pain. . . and I’m still hysterical.” That’s how I feel. No one understands.

To get back to your situation, I just want to pass this along to let you know that you are not alone. Many people these days are depressed and no pill or positive thinking crap will help.

Then what is the solution? I don’t know, but I know what doesn’t work.

Your friend always,


12:57 PM  

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