McPEEEEEAAAAKKKKKK!!!!!!!
Campaign 2008
Republican Jewish group wants Obama adviser canned
By Sam Youngman
Posted: 03/25/08 03:41 PM [ET]
The Republican Jewish Coalition (RJC) called on Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill.) Tuesday to remove military adviser and national campaign co-chairman Gen. Tony McPeak from his team, citing past statements McPeak has made about the Middle East that the RJC finds troubling.
Matt Brooks, executive director of the RJC, said in a statement that in keeping McPeak as a surrogate and campaign spokesman, “serious questions and doubts are once again being raised about Sen. Obama’s positions and judgment on Middle East issues.”
In its statement, the RJC cited a 2003 interview McPeak did with the Portland Oregonian in which “Gen. McPeak resorted to old stereotypes and unfortunate language by blaming the lack of progress with the Israeli-Palestinian peace process on the undue political influence of American Jewry. The problem, said McPeak, is ‘New York City. Miami. We have a large vote ... here in favor of Israel. And no politician wants to run against it.’ ”
Brooks said McPeak is more wont to blame American Jews than Palestinian leadership.
"Sen. Obama continues to surround himself with advisers holding troubling and disturbing anti-Israel bias,” Brooks said. “Gen. McPeak's views are alarming. We call on Sen. Obama to immediately remove Gen. McPeak from his campaign leadership role and as a key adviser.”
The Obama campaign said it disagrees with McPeak’s statement, adding that Obama's “longstanding commitment to Israel is clear to anyone who has reviewed his voting record, read his speeches or looked at his policy papers.”
“As he has said, his support for our democratic ally Israel is based on America's national interests and our shared values,” Tommy Vietor, an Obama spokesman, said in an e-mail. “Neither Sen. [Hillary Rodham] Clinton [D-N.Y.] nor Sen. Obama agrees with every position their advisers take, and in this case Sen. Obama disagrees with Gen. McPeak's comments.”
McPeak has served as a lightning rod of sorts as the Clinton campaign has also been highly critical of comments made by the retired general.
posted by Tony Forkush at 8:16 AM
76 Comments:
Anybody interested in putting on a Tony Forkush Festival on Tony's own blog without his permission? Only if you really know Tony would you realize how hilarious this event would be. A one day festival celebrating Anthony Forkush only you have to post stuff and be funny. One 24 hour period. I know the people to admit to this festival. If anybody besides Tony responds I'll announce the night. We'll celebrate his life, his excentricities and how much we love our dear artist, Tony Forkush. Hopefully I hear from somebody. The whole thing could end up being one long post by Michael Pascoe and then nobody responds. You know what I mean.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
I... don't... I mean... What's everyone talking about? Who's Tony Forkush?
I'm beyond thrilled that two such stalwart, pillars have responded. Accordingly, The Tony Forkush Festival of 2008 will commence Sunday, April 6th at 10:00am with my first post and end April 7th at the same hour. ("Meet the Press" ends at 9:00am and I need a few minutes after that.) I look forward to celebrating this great man and artist.
Warm regards,
James Bozian
Director - Tony Forkush Festival`08
Jamie, I think this is a good idea. My dear friend Tony. How can I be brief without alienating everyone else on this blog? I had always hoped that by sharing my thoughts, it would cause others to join along. But you would think I would learn my lessons on the other blogs I post on. I usually am the last person to post. I want others to comment, but they don’t. I guess I am long winded.
I didn’t want this to be about me, so I’ll close here and then post on Sunday after everyone else has made a comment.
Michael, you're perfect, gimme a break. Being long-winded could very well be the whole idea. Just look back here at 10:00am on Sunday. I know, for those of us who know and love Tony like we do, this is going to be fun.
James Bozian
Tony Forkush Festival `08 Director
I have emailed a few of Tony's friends so I hope they will join in too.
Brilliant. I'm sure they're exactly the right people. Thanks.
James Bozian
Director - Tony Forkush Festival `08
DNDeMattia, you're in. But you better be up on your Tony and locked and loaded at Full Forkush. See you on Sunday.
Regards,
James Bozian
Director - Tony Forkush Festival `08
4/4/08 7:36pm
*FESTIVAL UPDATE*
I've just gotten off the phone with Tony Forkush, after speaking with his people, and while he is humbled by the entire affair and even the idea that there would be a festival in his honor - saying the reality makes him feel "emotionally tongue-tied" - he again spoke with his people and has agreed give the final address before the closing of festivities.
Thank you,
James Bozian
Director- Tony Forkush Festival `08
Wunderbar. Looking forward to it. I've got a lot of stories lined up.
4/6/08
10:00am
**The Tony Forkush Festival `08**
Welcome One And All
Dear Participants,
Over the next 24 hours, I hope you will feel free to post your best, or even most mundane, Tony Forkush related stories or memories or even just random things you think Tony might like. Some things Tony finds funny I don't even understand but even obscure stuff is fine. Let's get the following out of the way very quickly:
What do I like about Tony Forkush? Everything.
What should Tony Forkush ever change about himself?
Nothing.
Who is the funniest?
Tony.
Who is the best actor always?
Tony.
Who is the most talented of all? Tony.
Have fun and let us celebrate that perplexing, magnificent, whining man/artist, Tony Forkush. Let the festival - BEGIN!
INT. TONY'S LIFE
Tony, wearing extremely unfortunate sweat pants, is on the phone with his friend, a STRUGGLING ACTOR WITH 2 SCREAMING KIDS and a BIG-TIME WIFE.
TONY: I have eight and a half pounds of government bacon, eight and one-half pounds, and I'm absolutely serious. If I came over – I'm asking – I'm just asking – and you don't have to answer out loud - would you mind having your wife cook breakfast for me?
S.A.W&2: I don't know, man...
INT. TONY'S LIFE
Tony is on the phone once again with his other friend who is ALSO STRUGGLING.
A.S.: (incredulously to Tony) Wait, let me get this straight. You're gonna drive 47 miles and I'm going to drive 19 miles, so I can meet you in a parking lot and give you three cans of cat food?
INT. TONY'S LIFE
Tony is on the phone with EVERY PERSON WHO EVER HIRED HIM AS AN ACTOR.
TONY: No, you listen to me you cock-sucking, jew-hating, fascistic little faggot-fuck!!!
Over the time I’ve known our friend I’ve been introduced to a cacophony of words like Schmoofle, Phoofin, Ploofin, etc.; Many Neo Yiddish expressions, which I’m certain many of you have also been privy to.
Periodically, throughout the day, I’ll be peppering definitions from Uncle Tonky’s Glossary of New Judaic Terminology around his little blog here, starting with:
Schmoofle – To make frictionless or oily through constant rubbing.
He used the broom to schmoofle the ice so the curling stone would glide faster over the surface; or
She asked him to schmoofle the glistening suntan oil over her back.
I have to be long winded about Tony because I have known him longer. Tony has that great spirit that you can’t help but love. I don’t what it is about people that like Tony. It’s as if they feel the need to tease him. I don’t know why, I guess because he takes it so well. I remember one time in high school when the library got those new metal strip that was suppose to detect if you stole a book. It didn’t take us long to figure out how it worked. We took out the strip and impishly wanted to use for a prank. I think it was Jerry Sexton that got the idea of putting it in Tony’s book, so when he walked out, he would set off the alarm.
We had no problem getting his book and putting it on. Now it wait until Tony did his thing. He innocently walked out to the library and everyone waited for the fun. Only the darn strip would not cooperate. He walked and nothing happened. He forgot something and came back in and nothing. Then this time when he walked out, it rang. The poor Liberians searched him and he did not have a library book. So, they let him go. Then he walked out again and it went off again. I’m not sure if they ever did find out what happened.
Tony took it in stride.
“... And, ah, that’s what Brecht was going for... when, ah, they were using signs with scene titles, and constant scene changes... Ah, distancing; alienation effect... And that’s it for today...”
Jules Aaron lowers his 2x3 inch cards as he’s nearly completed today’s theater history lecture and, incidentally, his box step...
“Any questions?”
Students hands go up simultaneously.
“Yes, you, ah... Anthony?”
“Ah, yes... If the per turbulent influx of obviscating references in such affects of alienation were perpetrated in this way, relative to the climate of the time, wouldn’t it just be... well... equivocal?”
Every head in the class turned. The silence was deafening? What just happened? Was that a real question, ill phrased? Who is this guy?
Jules breaks away momentarily from the hypnotic disconnect, “Ahhhhh... Are you seriou— ”
Tony, perturbed at perhaps not being taken seriously, “What do you mean?”
“Could you rephrase the question..?
“Well, I mean according to the timeframe...”
“During what time—“
“The time of Brecht...”
“Brecht’s time—“
“Exactly!”
Silence...
What is the measurement of the resulting tension between your mouth clenching, to stop any potential snicker; and your ass sinking ever deeper into its chair, in the hope of hiding your blushing face in embarrassment— for yourself and for everyone you’ve ever known?
I’m not sure, but I believe Jules said he’d certainly discuss Tony’s question with him later, after class...
It's insane. It's batty. It's like paying a prostitute with food stamps. It's insane!!
Charleton Heston died yesterday. When I think about him, I can't help but also think of Tony.
When Tony was young, he was always skinny. One time he took off his shirt and he looked at his flabby chest sagging away in the mirror. With that certain pose he likes to strike, he says to me, "I'm Charleton Heston."
He runs as if he was about to save the Hebrews from the Egyptians all the way his pex flapping in the wind. It's the funniest thing I've ever seen.
Bellium –
A numeric term which describes numbers residing beyond even infinity itself, assuming such a possibility; thereby presupposing the existence of alternate universes where such numbers can continue.
Ssss-toochie trapped the Golem in rock where it would be incased beyond eternity, and then bellium.
Uncle Tonky’s Glossary of New Judaic Terminology
I am going to The Greek to see Melissa Mancaster and Al Jewish.
What I like best about Tony is that when he gets into a groove, he can make you laugh until it hurts. And when he does, he is relentless. I remember one time he was on a roll and Jeff LeBeau was laughing so hard, he was in pain. But Tony did not let up. He paused just a bit to let a few gasp and weese from Jeff, then he attacked him again. I don’t remember how it ended, but I’m sure somewhere Jeff is still laughing.
Schtinkle –
A smelly schmeckle.
He needed to launder his clothing because wearing recycled pants might result in a schtinkle.
Uncle Tonky’s Glossary of New Judaic Terminology
David, funny you mentioned our trip to Disneyland. Let me set this up for those that did not grow up with us.
Back in high school, the three of us; David De Mattia, Tony, and myself decided to go to Disneyland. This was a big deal then because it was like Independence of sorts. You see, we weren't the rebel types.
I forgot who drove, but we had a great time. David you just met on these posts, is a big Disney fan. To this day, the guy has built some amazing stuff. Check out his website http://www.sleepingdragonstudios.com/ (Shameless plug).
Tony and I have been on many of the rides before, but we have not been on the new Space Mountain (boy, does that date us). Of course David has. We wait forever in line. David brings his cassette tape playing and records us. You can hear us screaming in delight. Tony turns to David and said that was the coolest thing he ever been on. David said, "Thank you" as if he built it.
I don't remember anything else about the trip, but I still have that picture of the three of us somewhere.
Were we ever that young? That was in front of my parents window. Was that your car in the background David?
What the hell was I wearing?
Who drove that day? I still remember the trip like it was yesterday, but certain things have faded like this picture.
Maybe when Tony chimes in later on he can provide some of the details.
I can't remember, but it makes sense because I don't think any of us were driving then. It would have been a long bus ride. But, we were young, we didn't notice a thing, we were just having fun.
Hey, Jamie, do you remember when Tony and I went to your apartment in North Hollywood to see the Tyson vs Spinx fight? The anticipation for the fight was big. When the fight finally came on, Jeffery Osborne sang the National Anthem. Then when the fight started Tyson knocked out Spinx in 90 seconds. Osborne sang longer than it took Tyson to pummel Spinx.
Good Day all;
I love my great friend Tony Forkush,and I celebrate on this Blog on this day my true friendship and admiration for beauiful human Being and a keen artist I could talk about some of the intriging gritty tales we shared over the years, but recording our farts in the dorm at Cal Arts, or pulling up to the old, Che Moi in Beverly Hills ,Tony and Myself in a 1959 Rambler Rebel I pick up for $50 from Chewy down in Commerce and being denied entrance to the club becouse of the pitiful condition of my vehicle....Where ever we where though.....It was nothing and I repeat nothing like this blog site! an absolut freak of nature....Alright......Wooo! I just found one of those old cassette tapes Tony and I made.From the old Cal Arts days. Thos recordings are so special that I had them transfered to CD from Mini CD from cassette from 8 track. If you want to listen to them , write me . Aloha every one and TTTTTTTTooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Tony you are Wonderful!!
Dexter Hamlett
Tony somehow talk his way into a job as the warm-up act for the show "A Different World," this was probably 1989. It was a fantastic, coveted gig for almost any comedian and it paid the heady sum of one thousand dollars. The trouble was that Tony had done stand-up with a partner but had never done it by himself before. So I coached him for a couple days and by then he had amassed about 25 minutes of solid material for a gig that needed more than two hours worth. In looking back, I believe I assumed the Forkush magic would simply carry the day. I have no memory of what Tony was thinking. So we go to the studio and I made sure that I sat in front, in front of him because I had a stack of his bits written out on file cards. Most of them, quite frankly, were just ideas or one-liners that weren't even worked out. At first, he was slaughtering the crowd. They would be in the middle of laughing their asses off and I would say to him "More Shatner, more Shatner, go! Old Yiddish Rapper, go!" But about an hour or so in, as the crowd was getting tired with stops and go's, set changes, re-takes, etc., it became pretty much not a pretty sight. I'm sure film of the remaining couple of hours would be hilarious now, but at the time it was tenuous at best. Tony would look over at me and I would just shrug my shoulders. I had nothing left, Tony definitely had nothing left and I really don't think the audience laughed very much at all. My memory might be a little creaky but I think they were glad to see us go.
Great stuff! Dexter, wow I haven't seen you in awhile. Keep it up guys. Liane is suppose to join in so that'll be fun.
The flashlight, a stark contrast to the night, blinded the two of us in the front seats of the car. Our friend in the back was still in total darkness.
The plainclothes Jersey Cop wrapped a knuckle against the windshield, with a muffled, “Couldja roll down the window, please?”
It was Christmas Break from school (our first year at Cal Arts). We’d arrived in New York just moments ago to be picked up by our school chum who lived in New Jersey, David Clark. It was Tony’s first trip there I think, at least as a young adult. We were like, 20 years of age. I think there was snow on the ground. It was definitely cold. I won’t forget that, because Tony repeatedly reminded me from the plane, to the luggage carousel, to Dave’s car...
And he’s wearing a beige trench coat, and also a dark (navy?) ski cap. The coat billows. His skinny-boy frame leaves the coat drastically under filled. It’s like he’s wearing a kite. It’s buttoned from the bottom, all the way to the top button at his neck and this only heightens the effect. The scarf and ski cap don’t match the coat... It’s all just... well... It’s all wrong...
Two black kids in a used Buick at night, stopped by white plainclothes police just outside Jersey’s posh East Hills... and after ditching a joint, no less... You couldn’t ask for a more concretized cliché...
Only... all is not as it may seem to New Jersey’s finest.
“Where are you boys from?”
The answer to the cop’s question is a machinegun barrage of screamed initials,
L-A-X ! L-A-X ! WE’RE FROM L-A-X !
The cop half jumps— his light swinging to the backseat towards Inspector Gadget,
“Wha— ?”
David is so cool, “Officer, he’s saying—“
“L – A – X !!!”
(Think of the AFLAC Duck on tv)
Silence...
Dave again, “He’s trying to, um... I just picked them up from the airport and...”
“J-F-K! We’re from J-F-K!”
The cop is trying to get a bead on this. I’m thinking, God, shu-da-fu up..! And staring at the glove box because I don’t know where Dave’s pot is. Is it in there, and where’s the roach he had earlier? Did he eat it? In Oregon, less than an ounce is a misdemeanor— a ticket... Is it a felony in Jersey? Whatsit in Jersey..?
“L... A... X...” I blurt out, “L-A-X is the Los Angeles International Airport and we’ve just—”
Dave chimes in, “What he’s saying...”
“Your friend..?” says the cop, shining his light back at Tony.
“Yes, what he’s saying is that he just came from LA”
I help, “We came from Los Angeles; flew from Los Angeles, the airport, L-A-X, and we came from—”
“J – F – K”, Tony...
“Yes, we came from LA and JFK...”
After a moment the cop asks for the license and registration. Dave reaches out (No! Not the glove box!) and yes, opens it calmly. He hands the paperwork to the cop. The cop leaves us to go back to his car.
Dave turns, “Tony, man, would you please...”
“Tony, man, man, you really need to calm down!”
“What!? What did I... I just told them..!”
“You need to stay cool.”
“What’s the L-A-X crap—“
Interrupted again by a light beam, which could have been from a Star Trek phaser.
“Okay”, handing back the paperwork, “You just matched the description of some other boys we’re looking for. You going home?”
Nods from all, acknowledging yes. He shines a light back at Tony, sweeps over to me, then Dave.
“Good, you can go. Go home.” He walks away. Dave roles up the window.
Yeah, right. He thought we were someone else. Typical profiling stop. They weren’t counting on the Navy blue Conehead in the backseat though...
France. We are from France.
L-A-X. We are from L-A-X.
I just went to get oil for my car and I am reminded of another Tony story. Tony was never much of a mechanic. But, he insisted on changing his oil once. Now he has never done it, but wanted to try it.
He got the oil and was prepared. He found out how to drain it, knew where the plug was as was ready for the big day.
Everyone here knows what a neat freak he is. He took out that dipstick and was cleaning it like it was going to be inserted into the Thanksgiving Day turkey. When it was as clean as can be, he went underneath to open the plug. It ran out into the pan and everything seemed to be running smooth. But, this is Tony Forkush, so something had to go wrong.
After the old oil was drained out, he went back under the car and tightned up the plug. I mean, he made sure there was not going to be a Forkush Fuck Up. He tightened so tight, there was no way the new oil was going to leak out.
Now came the moment of truth. He was in the homestreach. He poured the new oil in and it went everywhere. I mean, it leaked all over the driveway in the parking lot at the Whitsett Apartments.
He went underneath and tried to tighten it again. And sure enough it kept on leaking. After a frustrating few moments it dawned on him; he was turning the plug in the wrong direction: Left losy, righty tighty.
He finally tightened it up and finished the first and only oil change.
Aahh! Tony Forkush...my bubbeleh!!
The brother of my brother...Hard to believe that it was 25 years ago at CalArts that we bonded over Straw Hat Pizzas and one very frightening viewing of Videodrome.
I remember Tony's biggest break in show business...
when he actually broke his foot in Search & Destroy at Yale Rep. Seeing him hobbling around the New Haven Holiday Inn still makes me giggle.
When we were in junior high school, Tony was obsessed with Star Trek and I was with magic (still am). Our friend Jerry Sexton once slept over (remember those days when we use to sleep over each others house and no one thought you were gay?)
Jerry said that Tony did not snore. But as he was sleeping, all Jerry heard was Tony saying "Star Trek" over and over again.
Anyway, about that same time, I use practice doing Houdini stunts and have anyone I can find tie me up. I had Tony tie me upside down to the tree in his backyard. I twisted myself and I got out okay. Tony was impressed. But he figured he could do it too, so he asked me if he can try it. I hesitated, but proceeded to tie him up. Imagine Tony upside, hog tied to a tree? The site still makes me laugh.
Anyway, he started to bend his body in half to reach the ropes around his ankles. He got tuck halfway and screamed, "Cut me lose."
"What?" I said.
"Quickly, I am in pain." Now I liked Tony, but that was a new set of ropes. I figured our friendship was worth more than that stupid rope, so I ran inside the house to get a pair of scissors. I cut him down like in that Tony Curtis movie about Houdini.
To my knowledge, I don't think he ever tried that again.
I used to tell Tony I never got to see him and he'd say he'd call if he was travelling through or near NYC. And one day true to his word, he did.
Once while I was performing in Washington DC Tony called me.
"Hey! I'm in town! I'm in DC. Let's get together!"
I said, "That's great. Where are you? Do you want me to pick you up?"
"Well..I'm waiting to change change planes at Dulles and I have a three hour layover and its kind of boring to just sit here."
"You're just here on layover?
"Yeah...want come to the airport and have a cup of coffee? You're the one who alays says you never get to see me..."
Ok. I'm on my way."
After driving to Dulles during rush hour we found we had maybe a half an hour together. But it was really worth it. For me, time with Tony, both at school and afterward has always been worthwhile and rewarding. I love him. Always have. We reminisced and hugged and caught up and had a great time.
I even tolerated the drive back to downtown DC because it occurred to me later that Tony must have drank 4 cups of coffee while we were together and that must have been quite a comedy...Tony sitting in a airline seat jacked up on caffeine.
Does anyone know where to order "Tony Forkush Festival 2008" t-shirts, mugs, hats etc?
Ask James Bozian. He is in charge. Hey, Jamie, you can make a killing off of it. The picture of him in high school in front of my house would bring in a hefty price.
4/6/08
4:31pm
FESTIVAL UPDATE
A lot of people are asking about cups, mugs, t-shirts, etc. commemorating The 2008 Tony Forkush Festival. Your interest is noted and much appreciated. After conferring with festival organizers I had made the humble decision regarding the timing in mentioning any of the tie-ins, merchandising ("mertch" as we call it in the festival game) etc. that I had arranged and had on hand. But rest assured we'll go over all of that before the close of festivities. For now, let's keep the event rolling. It's turning out so much better than I would have imagined. Somehow hearing from The Great David Clark who lives in England would be a dream but I don't know how that could happen. But, no matter, press on.
Regards,
James Bozian
Director- Tony Forkush Festival `08
Ssss-toochie –
Legendary character from Jewish folklore.
(Please see Ssss-toochie and the Golem.)
Uncle Tonky’s Glossary of New Judaic Terminology
I first met Tony in Junior High School in Simi Valley. Tony was in the class with my sister Rose Ann. He was making up all kinds of tall tales to his classmates about how tough he had it and telling all kinds of sob story to get everone's sympathy. All the kids laughed at him but my sister. She felt sorry for him until we became friends and she found out it was all bullshit.
When he found out I was Italian, he said that his name was Tony and he was Italian too. I found out later that he wasn't, he was Jewish. We got along right away.
Tony's Forkush's All-Time, Old-Man- Jewish Baseball team. I can't remember all the made-up names but they included:
His team had Pishy Splint at 1st Base. At 2nd Base was Teppy Melish. The 3rd Baseman was Maysis Tishman and his shortstop was named Lucky Feckle.
When Tony joins the festival, we have to have him do this bit. I forgot about it, thanks Jamie for bringing it up.
Do you have any other great Kobe moments?
Well, if no one else is going to go, I guess I'll take it.
I remember one time in the early 80's, Tony and I went to see guitarist Al Di Meola at the Hollywood Bowl. Now if you know Tony, Di Meola is his idol.
After the show, Tony and I tried to go backstage to see him. To our surprise, he comes out. Tony is face to face with his idol. Remember, he has been fantasying about this guy since junior high school. Now he is about to meet the legend himself. What profound thing will come out of Tony's mouth. "You set the trend for today's guitar work" or "Yngwie Malmsteen and Eddy Van Halen can't hold a candle to you" or maybe say, "Hey, great concert. Love it."
No, our beloved Tony just froze. He could not think of what to say. As Al was walking away, his once in a lifetime moment was slipping away. What to do? What would you do if you were Tony Forkush. What else? You'd yell at the guy, "Hey, man." Silence. Al froze. Is this guy some crazed Mark David Chapman type loon about to gun me down? The poor man didn't know what to do.
Tony yelled out again, "Hey, man. I think you're it." It? Are we playing freeze tag? There wasn't anything Al could do but just blush and say thank you. What else could the guy do?
Tony of course met Al many times after that and he was much calmer about it. But, I'm sure Al Di Meola never knew that here was the guy that screamed "You're it man."
I am still traumatized by the memory of sharing a dorm room w/ Tony, and awakening MANY nights to him sitting naked across the room, air-guitaring (20 years ahead of its time) to Al Dimeola.
I remember thinking this guy was going to someone truly special, so i'd better get to know him.
20 someodd years later, i'm here to tell you that I was right! And I can honestly write that I have NEVER laughed harder than one-on-one with Tony.
I love you, man, and miss you A LOT!
I'm watching the Lakers beat the Kings and I'm reminded of another story.
We stayed friends after we became adults. We shared an apartment in North Hollywood right near Jamie, but could not afford to keep up the rent.
I went back to my parents and Tony lived with his grandmother. I invited him over to my parents place in Valencia to watch the Lakers in the Finals. He said that before the game, he wanted to watch the fight he recorded. (To this day I can't remember who was fighting).
He purposely avoided watching television all week so he would not find out who won the fight because he wanted to see fight as it happened.
Just before we turned it on, my dad walked by and said, "Oh you're watching the fight. So and so won." Tony turned red. He had to walk outside to avoid saying anything to my dad. He started yelling and screaming. All of that avoiding listening and watching the news was for not. This could only happen to Tony.
Schmackle –
Larger than a schmeckle, and it sticks to you.
His schmackle resided comfortably against his left pants leg, defying relocation to his right.
Uncle Tonky’s Glossary of New Judaic Terminology
Before I am reminded of any other fun stories, I have to say how deeply I have been affected by knowing Tony all these years. A monologue he performed in scene class 25 years ago has still stayed with me. It was from Edward Albee's Seascape, and it was seared into my being that day.
Tony will never lose that special place he created in my heart with his talent that day
At Cal Arts, one time, I saw a guitar player give Tony an electric guitar at a party and Tony instantly sounded like he could play really fast but then he put it down right away. All that air guitar from a guy who never seemed like he wanted to play the guitar at all.
Amidst the relentless praise of Tony Forkush, I must applaud Michael Pascoe for keeping a level head and reminding us all of how Forkush can make a complete debilitating disaster out of almost any situation on earth. Sorry, I'm no great Shakes myself but it's true of our dear, fantastical Tony. Even honorees can be all too human.
I have one last moment where Tony once again met disaster face to face. He tried to face one of his phobia's head on. That's how he was. He knew his limitations, but he did not let him stop him from trying to over come them.
It was after the Lakers won the championship, I wanted to go to the rally at City Hall in Downtown L.A. I didn't ask Tony because I knew he was claustrophobic. When he found out I was going, he wanted to tag along. I told him that there will be wall to wall people. "Oh, I can handle it." All right I said.
Why I agreed to it, I have know idea. Before the rally, we visited David Mahan who lived not to far from the parade site. We left to go and there was a crowd like you would not believe. I said, "Tony, are you okay." Oh, yeah he assured me.
We got a good spot upfront, but because we were early, we had to wait awhile.
Well, right when finally started, the crowd got worse. He started to hyperventilate. "I gotta go."
"What?"
"No, man seriously, I gotta go."
I can't believe my ears. I waited all week for this and now I was going to give up my precious spot. But, what could I have done? So, I drove him to David's and they watched it on television as I tried to go back to salvage the day. It didn't matter because it was all chaos anyway.
It was over twenty years ago, but it still makes me laugh.
"Ladies and Gentlemen. Boys and girls of all ages. People or all races, creeds (whatever that is) and colors (I prefer lavender). Please put your hands together and give a nice festival welcome to our guest and host of honor, or something like that.........
(Big Drum Roll)
JAMES WARD!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(Big applause. Whoops and hollars. Lots of german people, etc).
JIM: "Hey folks. Well, its such a pleasure to be here. And I want to thank Jamie Bozian personally for all of the work and incredible energy and effort that went into making this the greatest and best..."
(Bozian chimes in)
Boz: "Uh, Jim, hey...pssst...Jim".
Jim: "Hey Jamie. How's it goin man? This is awesome, thanks so much for the..."
Boz: "Jim. Uh..I'm really sorry about this, but..oh shit...how can I say this? There's been a misunderstanding and a slight confusion".
Jim: "Oh...no problem.. let me just thank all my great fans who have been with me since before the beginning and..."
Boz: "Uh, Jim...oh jesus...I don't know how to tell you this but..."
Jim: "Tell me what?" (He says now getting annoyed)
Boz: " Uh..heh heh...Jim this is actually a festival for your old comedy partner and intrepid jewish sufferer...Tony Forkush".
Jim: (Doing his perfect Gary Coleman impression) "What you talking bout Willis?"
Boz: "God, I'm sorry Jim...But Tony is the man of honor here tonight and I think we should give him a little moment to say something. Don't you".
Jim: "Jesus Christ Jamie. This is downright inconvenient if you ask me, for chryin out loud"
Boz: "Listen, I'm so sorry, but hey listen, we have some free leftover shirts and mugs that, well, lets just say we couldn't mark up".
Jim: "Oh man...Ohhh boy. (sighs)Okay. I'll go now".
Boz: "Thanks Ward, your the best, and I do mean The Best...heh heh" (slaps his back).
Jim: "OW, shit that hurt. Give me the white coffee mug with the frightened forkush look on it. That one sends me".
Boz: "Thanks Jim. NOw get outta here" (Ward leaves, tail between his legs) "Love you on STephanie Miller. Hey boys and goys, here's our man of the moment.....
Tonyyyyyyyyyy Forkushhhhhhhhhh
(Applause, coughs and snarls of delight)
Hello there my friends. And a who do you do. In the words of the immortal Red Buttons "He never had a dinner". Well, my great and glorious guys and uh any gals? To all of you, and someone named Matt who I can't remember but love you anyway thanks to Wellbutrin and other anti-depressants.
WHAT A FANTASTIC ROAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SHAME ON ALL OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
And truly one of the greatest and most splendid shots to the ego a man can take. And all of it in good fun and I will never ever forget any of it, and boy do I mean ANY of it, you sons of a gun.
To put all of this in context, let me just say that as I was reading this, totally amazed and unaware in spite of Jamies wackadoo about my knowing, gunshots rang out from directly outside my apartment. A car was sitting outside with its lights on and police cars came streaming onto our street yelling at people to get back inside and pushing and shoving people who were belligerent. I thought someone lay dead in the vehicle, but it turns out that no one was in it (sorry Jamie, another forkush false alarm). But wow, talk about coitus interrruptus policus from laughter and tears to shitting my poopers.
Truly, to each and every one of you, and I do mean each and everyone of YOU, from the bottom of my tuchus to the tops of my toup, I just want to say.....
WHERE THE FUCK WERE THE REST OF YOU WHO DIDN'T SHOW UP? HUH? YOU FUCKING INGRATES? LIANE, JEFF, DAVID CLARKE, DAVID, ETCETERA ETCETERA ETCETERA, IN THE IMMORTAL WORDS OF YUL BRENNER. I WANT TO KNOW WHY YOU GUYS DIDN'T MAKE ANY APPEARNCE, HUH JORGE AND ARDESHIR AND AL AND MCLAUGHLIN AND ALL THE WOMEN THAT I LOVED AND NEVER TALKED TO, RHONDA PONISH, DONNA STONE AND THE LARGE CHESTED SWALLOWS FROM HIGH SCHOOL OR LYNDA HARVEY, MY LYNDA POOR LYNDA, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE, SOMEONE HELP ME....I'M FALLING....AND I CAN'T GET UP.....
I'm fine now. I have to have another tooth pulled in six hours and get to take pain poopies and write more of my shtonkin shtonkels before I fuchel my feechus. And Jerry will translate no doubt.
Now, there's still alot of time for all of you to say something more and make the most out of this, or is it just gonna be me know, mr. wonderful, crying out into the wilderness on vicodin and bloody gauzes stuffed up into my sinuses to prevent the flowage. But my dentures will be ready in amonth and boy are my eyes tired.
Jamie, Michael, the GREAT David Demattia (Jacks juice), Dexter5Gem and the Hamletts, Matt and whoever the hell you are (Conlin? Chapa?), And, who am I forgetting...OH BEN, yes, Ben Lipitz and oh yes, oy vey, Ben...I love you my friend, have you gotten your braces off yet? I loved the commercials and I miss you.....
I AM SO FUCKING ARROGANT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GOODNIGHT LOS ANGELES AND
"Uh shots fired on Winona Blvd. One Adam Twelve, apartment #315, shots fired"...
HElLLLLPPP MEEEEE SPOOOOCCCCCKKKKKK.
p.s. Ten more hours of fun. Chime in please. Hey. Chime in. right now. damnit.
Conlon, you buffoon. How's that for a blast-from-the-past?! Jerry, Stephanie and I tracked each other down recently - and Jerry thought you might be surprised to hear from me. It's been a long time (plus it sounds like you're on LOTS of drugs), so I will forgive your not remembering.
"I wonder if you can guess who I am? I'm Baby Jane Hudson!"
We had a picture of Jack Nicholson on the inside of our dorm room, remember that?
"Heeeere's Johnnny!"
Anyway - hope you are okay. Looks like you have a wonderful collection of friends - Jamie and Jeff also from CalArts among them.
"Say can you arrange to keep the change for my kids!?
Cheers, Tony!
There are a few more stories I like to share before the deadline of Tony Fest. Once we were driving down Topanga Canyon and Ventura Blvd about twenty-five years ago. Now as you know, just as then as it is now, it is a very busy intersection. At one time, there must be a hundred people either walking by, driving, or coming through in one form or another.
There was a young girl sitting at a bus stop, minding here own business. She was eating an ice cream cone. She wasn’t just eating it, she was licking it. Real slow!!! With all of this hubbub, Tony and I caught this wonderful scene and looked at each and just smiled. We both knew what we saw and didn’t need to say anything further. We both wished we were that ice cream cone.
What was the other quote I remember you saying? Ah, yes, how could I ever forget "In my house, where my wife sleeps, where my children play with their toys?!"
Remember your putting Godfrey in the chest of drawers to shut him up? My God, that bird HATED you. Ha! Can you believe he lived for nearly ten more years? Devil-bird.
Whatever happened to Lynda Harvey? I know you've ALWAYS had a thing for her...I suspect she knew too.
He had a crush on knock dead beauty with big boobs. Rhonda Ponish, Donna Stone, and a few others I can’t remember. He was too scared to talk to them. I suppose he just wanted to place them on some sort of mantel. And that’s where they stayed. In the mantel of his mind.
Tony!!!
Thanks for the rememberance..and no I havn't gotten my braces off...how else could I walk?
with the deadline fast approaching I fear I will run out of time to relate tales of the year Tony was roommates with Musumba Kaonga....What a Team! I inherited their dorm room the next year, and only after several weeks of nightmares in which Tony and Musumba starred performing scenes of ritual sacrifice (kosher, of course) was I convinced to hold an exorcism to remove the bad juju (Jew Jew) from the room...
Wasn't his dorm over looking the skinny dipping pool?
Does anyone remember when Tony went for rolfing?
Rolfing is an extreme deep tissue massage-pyschotherapy. I mean really DEEP tissue, not even just deep tissue, but massage of bone, ligament,tendon, ORGANS....
I was walking from the theatre school over to the dorms talking with one of my classmates and Tony runs up on us very excitedly, near hysterically and announces, "Hi guys! I'm just taking off. I'm going off campus for this really cool kind of massage...Rolfing? Do you know it about it? Its amazing. The therapist massages, like, you know, every part of your body, like you know, even the septm in between your nostrils...its really, like, you know, really INTENSE! ITs suppossed to really increase your ability to move, and relax, and really connect you to some deep place of being....really create a greater harmony within your body."
The previous thought was uninterrupted and seemingly in one breath.
"No. Haven't heard of it. Sounds pretty incredible", I offered with some reluctance of excitement.
"See you later."
"Yeah see you later Ton."
And off Tony scampers.
When I see him the next day, I ask how the rolfing was.
"OHMIFUCKINGGOD!!!! BEN!!!", Tony gasps as he's crying and collapsing into my arms. " IT FUCKING HURRRRTTTTT!!!!IT WAS SO INCREDIBLY PAAAAAAINFUL....What was I thinking? I mean, that woman really hurt me...I was crying, and she wouldn't stop..."
He went on and on, and seemed even more hysterical than usual.
After a few moments, he composed himself and confided in me, "But I think I'm much more relaxed."
Classic Tony!!!
Ooh, ooh, I got another one. I remember when he would occasionally go into his Freddy Rerun Berry dance. It was so funny. He would really get down and I had to laugh.
When we were roomies, our dorm room faced West - had a lovely vew of the freeway...I remember we were both jealous of Paul Suchy and Merritt Butrick, who did have marvellous view of the skinny dippers...
Tony, do you remember when at Hillside when Phil Hewitt, the best runner in P.E. class, said that if you didn’t outrun him he would beat the crap out of you? And do you remember when you actually beat him? I guess fear should be used in the Olympics.
I noticed that as we were talking about our friend Tony, we were also talking about ourselves. I think that’s the important point. None of us live in a vacuum. We all affect each other. Tony’s escapades also affected us. Revealing these insights on him also revealed a little bit of us.
I’m going to share just one more thought. As you know, Tony loves the Dodgers. Tony’s grandmother worked at A &R at Columbia Records. This gave her access to all sorts of perks like free tickets to the Dodgers.
This was in 1978 and the Dodgers made the World Series again against the Yankees. I’m over Tony’s house in Simi Valley and we are getting set to watch game one. About a half an hour before the first pitch, his grandmother says, “Oh, by the way. I have two tickets to today’s game. Would you fellows like to go?” Two tickets to the World Series and she is just now telling us?
There is no way we can get to Chavez Ravine from Simi Valley in time. What a shame because the Dodgers beat the Yankees that day as they went on to lose another World Series to the Evil Empire.
As far as I know, Tony still has those untorn ticket somewhere in his collection.
When I lived with Tony it was on the 4th Floor Walk-up, across the hall from the rooms overlooking the pool... So, we couldn't see skinny dippers from our own window... but we knew people.
4/7/08
10:00am
****Festival Farewell****
Congratulations to those who participated and apologies to those who didn't get to make it in. Not hearing a frantic tale of misery from Lianne or something from Eric Weisman is a shame but that's the way it goes sometimes. God bless you participants that you love Tony Forkush so much that no one brought up drugs and whores. Hopefully Tony will chronicle all that in a book or another great performance someday. Those of us who are his friends act like none of that shit happened anyway. But nor will we turn our heads away from pointing out how much of a miserable bastard he tries to act like he is. But keep it up, dear Tony. We need it if only for the entertainment value. Life is your sweet misery, Tony, and we just want to watch.
Thank again, everybody,
James Bozian
Director - Tony Forkush Festival `08
THIS FESTIVAL IS ADJOURNED
4/7/08
10:00am
of course, who doesn't love Tony Forkush. Big Shot.
It was 1992. I had just driven across the US from Philly to LA with Terry for my first trip back to LA since being dumped from CalArts 8 years earlier.
I was crashing at Jerry O's and as he had work and didn't have a car. Not even a credit card to rent one in those days...I wasa just gonna sit around his house until he came home.
But of course, Tony rides into the rescue.
"Ben, this'll be great! You can hang with me and we can do something...I can show you around...no problem.
Of course, Tony didn't have a car either.
But his enthusiasm made all the difference. He came over mid-morning and announced he was going to take me to this really amazing Mexican restaurant for lunch...El Coyote, I think. Its hard to remember.
We're walking Melrose up for 1,2,3,4.5 blocks...crossing streets...walking back down 1,2 3,4,5 blocks. Tony is all the time delighting me with stories of all the wonderful meals he's had there with Terry and Jerry and how no trip to LA could even be complete without going there.
"And the food! Not to be believed. It defied definition...its so good", he bragged.
He stops and looks up one stree and down the next. He is puzzled.
"I know where it is...its just not where it should be."
We keep searching.
We've walked around for the better part of two hours.... and finally came to Ralph's on Beverly, where we dined on pre-made deli sandwiches....
Such a delicacy!
Liane said she was going to write something. She even asked me when it was going to be. I was so looking forward to what she had to say.
Now what?
Good. Must get out my dancing shoes.
Hello my dear friends, and once again thanks for every"ting" that everyone said, and that includes you too Matt. I truly remember Godfrey and the songs he used to sing and if I knew him today why things would be different.
And Matt, I STILL deserved that pot of water in my face that night, by golly gosh. I was a self-serving arrogant foochel and hardly listened to anyone. But that sure got my attention. A little bit of humility goes a long way. Too bad that it utterly destroyed my life for thirty five more years. But hey, that's the breaks.
It's awesome to hear from you. Where are you now? Do you still live in LALA? Do tell.
Again, as I chew on gauze after my teethies were pulled this morning, I love each and everyone of you in my strange and unusual way. Lets all thank Jamie for this ridiculousness.
Please stay in touch.
I LOVE OBAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your friend always and forever, with a big humble heart and very little breakfast,
Tony
Thank you Jamie.
Even though it was just a few of us, this was one of the best things I've ever done. Got a great message from Dexter Hamlett as he got a chance to sit down and read the posts. Needless to say, we only scratched the surface so maybe someday in the future there could be more planning involved and more people could lay some serious Forkush wood. But I think that won't be for a good while so for now, we take what we got. What a blast!
Theeeees eeeeees Paco De Lucia bloooooging alll theeeeee way from Majorca, Espaaaaaannnnaaaaaaa
and I-eeeeeee weeeeeesh to sayyyy to Meeeeester Feeeeerkesh, you weeeel alwaaaaaays have the Passion, Grace and also zeeee Fire! You are one fine bubelah!
Hey man. What the fuck. What the fuck?!? Me and Mandy Jansen, man, we're like, hitchiking out here in fucking Bufuck Idaho, trying to score some Forkush Festival tickets, maybe sell my Tibetan hacky sac collection, and I go online and all and find out that the friggin festival is over? What kinda of freakin' shit is that, man? I mean, me and Mandy, we followed the Cowsills, and Bachman Turner Overdrive, and Gruppo Sportivo all around the Southwest, and they never fuckin' bailed on a festival, but this frankin' JamieB or whoever, Mr. Joe Papp, Mr. Gordon Davidson, Mr. David Merrick or whatever he likens himself to, no, he has to have it all over in 48 hours or so, and so me and Mandy are stuck here, thinkin' we were gonna be like on Cloud 9 and all (gettin all Caryl Churchill on y'all) and ready to fork over some major paper for those Forkush Festival tickets, and now it's all over. Major dang bummer, man. No fair, no fair. And we don't get into the DVD thing. Gotta be live. Such a bummer. I mean, we saw him when he played Temple Akiva in Culver City back in '83 I guess - he killed. No, I mean, he really killed a guy, with a steak knife. It was an accident, and the judge said it was unintentional manslaughter. Fuggggggggg, man. I'm just joshin' ya. The Fork Man never killed nobody. He made me laugh my ass off a whole buncha times. Wish I'd seen that sitcom warmup thing. That woulda been a trippee hippeee, man.
So, if any of y'all got a bootleg of the whole festival, me and Mandy would be ready for some heavy negotiating. We're checking out this ethanol farm up here in Missoula, Montana tomorrow. Figure what they hey. Spozed to be like Esalan of the Rockies or what the fuck ever, man. But we would really dig that bootleg, if any body has it cuz I know that Fork Fest 08 was probably the primo, the piece de friggin resistance of all the Forkush Festivals, and I've never missed one till now. Man, major bummer. Oh K. Gotta crash now. Mandy just scored some cheeseburgers, by showin' that third breast on her arm to some truckers. Hey, fringe benefits of growing up at the Stringellow Acid Pits. Natch. See you next year at Calgary.
The best story is the rolfing episode. I can see Tony doing that.
David!!! I was hoping you'd write. Man, I was hoping you come on board the Tony bus. How about Jamie, can 'ya extend the deadline for Mayhan? I betha he'll blow all of us in the water. He'd have some Tony stories that will drive us nuts. Open the festival and let the fun continue.
Hello. This is a recorded blog message from Anthony Forkush, owner and proprietor of Stop This Noise in My Head. Thank you for your interest in Stop This Noise in my Head. You are an invading virus and must leave the sight immediately. Thank you and fuck you. Thank you for visiting Carl's Jr. You are an unfit mother. Fuck off and thank you for visiting Anthony Forkush's blog Stop This Noise in my vagina....
Please contact the admin for more pertinent details regarding Anthony Forkush and Stop This Noise in my google. Thank you. Fuck off.
Gahd, i'd forgotten about that water! Sorry. You must have been acting like the wicked witch. Lucky someone didn't drop a house on you...
I'm in Chicago, Tony, where I have been since finishing up my degrees @ Loyola Marymount in CA. I'm a founding member of a little theatre co. called Prop Thtr., and for eight years i've run the front of house for Victory Gardens. Check out www.victorygardens.org.
So very nice to re-establish contact w/ you. Lost contact w/ Paul shortly after I moved here. I said something inappropriate (as you know i'm apt to do), and that was that. But I LOVE Chicago Theatre! And believe it or not, I am a professional singer as well - making lots of cash singing at churches for folks' weddings, funerals etc. I call it my dessert money. Who knew I could sing???
Anyway - good to catch up w/ you. I'm right behind you w/ the teethies. I just want them all out, and pretty porcelain fake ones put in.
Please feel free to email me either @ VGT (mconlon@victorygardens.org) or my personal address (matt.conlon@hotmail.com).
Best!
Matt
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