I've made my decision
As I enter the New Year, with a whimper and not a bang, I am more committed than ever before to the decisive act of faith. Starting with the recognition and apreciation of miracles, I will pay attention to them and catalogue their coming. I will refer to these miracles in times when the entire sphere of existence screams out that they are fallacious. I will act "as if", no matter how convinced that my actions are without meaning to anybody or anything outside of myself. I will refuse to allow my spirit to erode, even if the face or overwhelming odds against it's eternal being and when all around me mocks this expression. I will give my life to the precious ideals of love and service and continue to watch for the sublte and addictive signs of negativity and nadir. I will allow myself to feel and like what I like, no matter how outlandish. I can be a fan of horror films and dark and disturbing art and still be of the light. I can smile more, and not be afraid of becoming an automaton. I can watch how I go to my insanity for solutions and quickly be relieved of these obssessions by angelic forces watching over my life and the world. I can have compassion for the naysayers, be afraid that they may be right and not like me, and then see them as children of God too. I can live in a world that transcends these final end days and know, that in my heart of hearts, God's music will reach me through either the free airwaves or Sirius pay sattelite (and he's pretty good at that). When all is said and done, I will pay attention the that tiny little voice that tell's me what's good and what's now and pay attention and honor that voice, no matter what. I will accept more and ask "why" less. I will touch the face of God everyday as I brush up my cats, and I will sing "Lauda Laude" to his praises. Love conquers all. Love is forever. I will return to forever a day at a time.