Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Earnings retardation? Or faith?

That's a good one. That's a really good one. Why am I always broke? By that I mean is asking that question essentially creating the condition? In other words, when I ask "why am I always broke?" am I setting the wheels in motion to create brokeness in order to ask the question and make it valid? Does the word "broke" carry with it a defeated, demoralized state. "Why am I always giving up homeruns?" is what Brett Tomko is probably asking right now. Is giving up homeruns a result of a mechanical flaw in his delivery, as all of the analysts carefully suggest? Or is it part of a stange cycle that begins in the subconcious, moves out through the universe, creates neuropeptides that massage the brain and make us high with condition of being broke?

Or maybe it is a kind of mental deficiency to numbers. Is the problem contained in a math de-aptitude. Or maybe to my ability to adjust to reality (life on life's terms) that tells me I need to budget more, I need to earn more, I need to change jobs but can't. What's wrong with me is the ultimate upshot of this paradigm. A kind of earnings retardation. So it seems.

Or is the whole thing a huge manifestation of my spiritual growth to absolutely trust God in all areas of my life no matter what it appears. To humbly ask for help knowing that I am doing the best I can at this moment and to be deeply compassionate with myself over this unbearably frustrating set of circumstances to the ego? Is it about the gratitude and the blessings bestowed on the money going out over and over again and the not create a self around that? Is all of it exactly the way it is supposed to be and the final act of faith in the certainty of God's love and divinity and an end to fear?

The spiritual path to being broke?


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