Marion Woodman speaks of spirals and projections
Gabcast! Stop this noise in my head #21 - Marion Woodman speaks on projections and spirals
The brilliant Jungian analyst talks about the nature of the unconscious in healing and how progress is circular rather than linear
posted by Tony Forkush at 5:39 PM
7 Comments:
Check out the email I sent to you. A plane crashes in front of our house. Jamie, if you want to read the story, click here. http://www.lvrj.com/news/27651034.html
Critical weekend for the Dodgers. At the worst they will go into this final series with the Diamondbacks 2 and half games behind that bloody team from Arizona. They have to sweep them and hope Arizona loses one of those extra games or there will be a possible tie at the end of the season.
Dodgers need to win tonight. They control their fate. Arizona loses and Dodgers win tonight and it will make it easier for the L.A. this weekend. They don't have to sweep, but it will be nice.
I can't imagine what Tony is going through.
This one really hit a note with me. I've been dealing with a really unusual Jungian (and circular) projection myself...
It's not like an Anima projection, which draws you towards a certain kind of woman over-n-over again, etc. Nothing so common. It's stranger than that, but just as haunting (and strangely humorous).
It's taken me almost two years to realize it had to do with my midlife crisis and 'Work' with a big 'W'; and I truly believe this has been responsible for keeping me unemployed. It's very bizarre... I described it recently to an old friend in an email, and I want to run it by you (all of you). I think this is probably quite common...
Here's what I wrote to my friend:
I worked for 7 years at a nonprofit classical radio station. I managed the membership and begged for money by mail, worked the membership database and the website.. I did good by the station, literally raised millions (one 35 dollar donation at a time) for the station over a few years, and made a decent, modest living too; but the board changed, then the management changed... and we all tried to get along, but the 'law of two feet' was long overdue to be followed, so after many false starts I finally had to conclude it was time for me to leave that organization.
That was almost exactly 2 years ago... We've done a few odd jobs since then, but I've been slowly realizing that this new midlife thang I'm going through is plenty tough and, to me, a little mystical... And it's actually more than contributed to my inability to find to not only 'meaningful work', but any work at all. It has been strange... really...
I won't belabor the issue, but it is a story worth telling with a deep lesson to be learned. Simply put... I've noted I have issues to flesh out. We all have'em, and it's an old story-- around midlife you deal or you're dealt... In Robert Bly's Iron John he talks about katabasis or 'the rat's hole'... Well, I think I'm kinda there. But if I do the reflective work, I hope I understand correctly, and make a decision to go down the rat hole on my own, then I'll be spared a more severe arrangement by the gods (an accident, illness, divorce or other tragedy) which will force me to look.
At first, I thought okay, I got skills and fundraising experience. I'll be able to get employment at another nonprofit within a couple of weeks... but that wasn't working, so then I thought it was my age, then my skin color, then the economy or some combination of all of the above... I tweaked and retweaked my résumé... Then after reading one career book after another, after then reading every self-help book and metaphysics tome in the universe, after vocational training to get my insurance sales license (so I can once again do the 'right thing' and just support family), after imploring the very universe itself with-- "The Seeeeeecret!"... after all of that... It began to slowly dawn on me that every time I did a job interview I was being sabotaged...
I don't mean self-sabotage with only verbal slips, etc. I don't mean self-fulfilling prophecy... I mean there was another Jungian something in the room with me...
I refer to it as "the elephant in the room"... but it's a little more than that. It's a Jungian presence made up of some combination of my issues.
It's like entering a job interview with an invisible witchdoctor (like in the movie 'Beetlejuice'), who shakes a maraca and proceeds to tweak the results before I've barely started to speak...
The interviewer asks a question and I answer; the maraca shakes and the witchdoctor sings...
The other people in the interview don't exactly see me and my gameface (no matter how good if is), or hear me... they see 'It' superimposed over me... It really is like my head is shrinking before their eyes or something!
The stuff, like Woodman says, is 'unconscious' so it's particularly difficult to flesh out... This witchdoctor is, well, really... the another (unconscious) me... me and my (unconscious) dreams, spent or still present, my (unconscious) issues, my secret (unconscious) desires, my (unconscious) frustrations and defeats...
And there's not a goddamn thing I can do about it... except note it, work with it, work it all eventually out...
This has been the last 2 years. I really don't think this will turn out too bad. I really do think I'm well on my way by now, and have done a lot of the head-work...
But, it has not been an easy 2 years with the witchdoctor.
Boy have I felt alone these past twenty years. Now I feel that my suffering is shared by others. You have just described my life for the past two decades. No matter how good I am, no matter how many self help books I read or proper attitudes I take, nothing, and I mean nothing goes my way.
You’ve heard of Ying and Yang? Where is the Yang? I get nothing but Ying. Or I get a less dosage of Ying or not as strong, then bam. Ying!!! No balance.
Yesterday, for the umpteenth time, I tried to find employed where my talent lies, and for the umpteenth time I get the pie in the face. I tried to get employment in the typical sector, you know, the nine to five. But, I get reamed and hung out to dry only to look for work again. So, I am forced to go back to show biz only to hit my head against the wall in frustration.
Here in Vegas you cannot, and I mean cannot get work in the entertainment field. You try the usual contacts and they just laugh at you. We don’t hire. You have to four wall your own show. “Well, who are those people that are working? Can I contact them so I can work in their show?” No, no. They are in a remote location where no one can reach them. Kind of like the Wizard, up high somewhere in Emerald City where no one can see that there is no Wizard at all.
Why was I given this gift only to be mocked when I try to use it? Why is there no balance? No Ying or Yang? You deserve to work. Tony deserves to work. All of us deserves our time.
What the hell happen to Tony? All season I heard how much he has been suffering with the Dodgers. Now they are winning, I hear nothing. I hope that somewhere he is over joyed with emotion. Though we can't celebrate yet, this is a great season. You can't get upset over how they are playing this year. (I guess Tony could).
Hey guys.
Been a little over three weeks and I have taken a vacation on the blog due to illness. Yeah, that's right, I have been ill with this unbelievable virus that simply won't go away. Also, my leg is numb and I have to figure out what is going on.
How to start. I hope you are both well, Jerry and Michael. It is a little after midnight and the Dodgers just had one of the most frightening losses of the year. They may be about to go into a collapse, which would be very very difficult to take, but I am preparing for.
As far as the Jungian stuff, boy can I relate, hence the post. I have been involved with some creative stuff and it is challenging all of my inner stuff. I am writing and creating but more importantly I am seeing how much my resistance is something I have a "right" to. Yeah, I am unwilling to give up my resentments because they are like cocaine to me. But just the consciousness of that is the healing.
Regarding work, as soon as I started my new job at the new high school I immediately became ill with these symptoms. I have been off of work for two weeks now, unable to do much of anything. The light will get its way, no matter what.
I love you both. Be well and forgive yourself.
Tony
About being ill after starting the new school. My wife is a school teacher and that always happens to her. In fact, she always gets sick at the beginning of the school year because her resistance is down because being away from the students. They do carry germs.
I hope the Dodgers are not going to pull one of those collapses that they are famous for. After all, this is not the fifties.
About being creative, lately my creative juices have stopped flowing. This has a lot to do with not having an outlet for them. Not getting employed in my area, has shut down the ole' creative mind. I am panicking because I am not use to it. I don't know how to get it back because I never did know how it worked in the first place.
Must stay calm. Hope all is well with you guys.
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