Wednesday, June 08, 2005

A little bit existentialist, a little bit recovery.

As I alternate between two very different schools of thought, I am torn today whether I should be writing an existentialist tome about the tragic fate of man to be concious of his own ludicrousness, or to follow my spritual journey and share what I continue to learn from a recovery perspective. Today I choose: Love.
A truth I know.
When I choose fear about my finances (or anything else for that matter), rather than faith, I immediately leave God and serenity by leaving the present moment, thus leaving love. The present moment is all there is. When I leave it, I can only choose to go into the world of the Ego which, as we know, is unreal, but will do whatever it can to try and control the situation, not solve it.
By attempting to control the situation, the ego leaves the world of reality. In this insane state, I am not aware of what is actually true and I lose all connection to gratitude (the awareness of my God given abundance). I see my life as having total lack and future disaster. I may have a multitude of "things" but none of the real stuff of life-happiness, God's presence, prosperity and joy. In this state of mind, my perception can only perceive all things as half empty. No amount of material wealth (people, places or things) can fill the perception of my empty bank accounts (or stomach, or genitals, or brain), or the terror of losing that which I think I possess, no matter how "full" they may "actually" be.
Perception is the reality of my attitude and my choice to be fully present. In a surrendered place, I am granted a bountiful, abundant world where every material, emotional and spiritual need is god given and revealed. I need only "accept" the gift by opening my inner eyes, getting out of my own way, and receiving God's will for my life. I need only ask that this be given me and it will.
This means acceptance of each and every situation I face as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment, crushing the Ego's "rights" to rule. Wealth becomes a God-filled state of mind, unshakeable in its absolute knowlege that all is well, my needs cannot possibly be NOT met, they have always been met, and a thousand times ten. This is the definition of the miraculous.
In the real state the universe will "squeal in delight" as Deepak Chopra has said and riches unimagined will be bestowed on all things. In this place, what seems like the impossible is normal. And you have only to count the wealth. One's eyes open up and poverty vanishes right now.
Submission to the present moment, God's will for me and recognition of the ego and fear. I am led back to my guiltless state of total beingness, forever abundant and filled to the brim with the only reality,


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