Friday, September 02, 2005

chronic

I am still dealing with this illness. It is the most peculiar thing I have been through in years. A stress induced vertigo, parkinsons, palsy with involuntary muscle spasms and speech difficulty. There is also a shift in breathing as well. The doctors have told me that all scans are normal. Completely normal. Stress can kill. It can change everything you experience. I am now at a turning point in having to deal with it. Incorporating relaxation techniques are very helpful. But the real key is a new trust and faith in my safety. I am truly changing. I feel that the maladay is a temporary reaction to the trauma of real change. Those ideas and beliefs I have held about myself all my life and now being exposed and my body is freaking out. I can understand why people stay distracted. Anything at all is better than going through this horror. But, if the change takes, then this struggle will be worth it. We cannot attempt to stay the same. We can try, but the soul knows itself and what it truly is and loves. So, I will go back to the park tomorrow and have a picnic. I plan on taking a tuna sandwich. It has been over 35 years since I have done this. I used to do it all the time when I was a kid. I pray for acceptance of where I am now. I will shake, rattle and roll into Griffith Park and find the solace place. The world and my mind are two of the great stressors. But this is coping. I can and will get through this.

1 Comments:

Blogger Tony Forkush said...

Thank you. I hope you enjoy reading them more than sending me gas prices.

12:01 PM  

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