Wednesday, August 31, 2005


I am on a brief hiatus for the summer. I will resume anecdotes in a few weeks, once the dizziness and spinning subsides. I want to thank all of you for your support for my thoughts, I wish you peace and love and all things sixties. I have been watching images that no human should watch these last few days. I've gone a bit numb now. New Orleans, Atlantis. I have no solution but I cried today. I felt connected to all for a day again. Just a few days prior to 9/11. Strange coincidence. The birthdate of my dear friends daughter. Convergence of compassion. Is there a god? The act of chosing to love is god. The rest is gravy. We wake up where we love.
See you soon.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Clean bill of hell

I have been given a clean bill of health from all my doctors. All my tests are normal. I am feeling okay. But I still need to take my Meclizine, for the vertigo. I have not had a stroke, epileptic seizure, MS episode, aneurysm, or anything else serious. I have had a Vertigo attack with secondary panic anxiety disorder. I have not written here for two weeks. I have not been to work in three.
My plays are being read this Saturday night at NOTE. I am happy. Things are okay. I am awakening from the muck.
I hope you are all well.
Much love and peace to you.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

All scans normal. Neuroleptics unite!

My CT scan was benign. My Treadmill was sufficient. My vision is faulty due to large doses of Atavan consumption. I have appointments next week with neurology for headache assessments, and a rather barbarous sleep deprivation procedure called "Sleep deprivation procedure". Well, the technical name is EEG. Although, the elderly office woman of eighty something years of age, mentioned something about having to stay awake for many hours and then sleep after midnight, awake aprubtly at 4:00AM and then eat a hearty breakfast with no coffee or tea. I was then to force myself awake using whatever tecniques I can imagine (TV shopping channels, old reruns of McCloud) and then at 1:00PM arrive at Kaiser, refreshed and augmented, to begin a procedure that only Terry Gilliam himself could have come up with. My doctor of the headache conference, Dr. Peterbakercererr, I believe that's how it's spelled, will then extend my DMI (Durable Medical Implants?), to allow me more time off of work to receive my illness time and continue to create long winded rumours about my early demise or vegatism. All of this fully covered! How bout that!
Otherwise, I am getting off the sedatives and am drinking more green drinks. Sprirulina shakes with a little blue green algae thrown in as a mixer. This outta do the trick. Those kids don't know what they're in for when Mr. Tony gets back, full of vim and vinegar, pep and peppy.
I was awoke this morning to the sounds of all my students running outside my apartment yelling my name. It was wonderul. I threw on some clothes and joyously opened the door to be greeted by the old latino handiman cleaning refuse from the matted carpets. He smiled that broken smile, you know, the broken smile of the laborer who has long been anhiliated. I asked him where were the kids. He laughed that laugh without proper dental care, and then returned to his miasma, cleaning the same spot on the illegally flammable rugs. No kids. No students calling my name, in hopes of my return. Oh well, there's always tomorrow. And tomorrow is a new tomorrow. It's a great big beautiful tomorrow. But for today. Let's get goin. Goin..g. Go, go, go gogo.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Still home

I'm still at home. I haven't been back to work since Friday when they took me to the ER. I am awaiting the results of my CT scan of my brain. Maybe they will find something. Maybe they will explain what is going on up there. I could have used that 44 years ago.
I have to fast tonight for fourteen hours and then take a fasting glucose test in the morning before going in for the results of my brain scan. I was also adivsed to ask about my carotid artery, as it may be partially blocked. Also perhaps Mynears disease (Mine Ears have seen the glory of the coming of the lord). I'm on 3 mgs of atavan right now just to stay upright. I'm rather sedated at the moment. Foggy bottom. If they don't find anything medically wrong then I guess its a little trip to the birdy place. Nice white rooms with flower arrangements. Quiet except for the terrible screaming. A brief stay to figure out how to stop falling down. The food is okay. People kind of wonder where you are and they you reappear sometime in a few weeks. They ask how you are and you say "Oh fine. Just fine, thanks, how are you"?. You go back to work and everything kind of resumes, except that they have developed a very quiet but unbendable opinion of you and your malady. "Trying to get off of work again, motherfucker". "God damn Union, they get away with murder". "Poor Tony, he needs the lord Jesus". "Stay away, it may be contagious".
What about my plans of world domination by academy award? How bout the gorgeous concubine that I'm still waiting for? Money, money, funny money. Nope. This is what's going on right now see. Pretty Penny Tony Pony riding his little poopie pie. Gimme some. I wanna. I wanna. Help me mama.
Fascinating Captain, to see very clearly how the psyche collapses at just the right time to save itself from itself. That's okay. Remember the old sign that your aunt and uncle used to have on their wall: When the rush is over I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. I've earned. I've worked hard for it, and nobody is going to stop me.
Yeah, you bet.