Stop this noise in my head!
Working class blog devoted to not so daily ruminations on anti-social psychosis, transcendent liberation theology, Jesus Christ, the psychological abuse and mental torture created by being a Dodger fan, fast guitar playing and demystifying the false (or perhaps true) paradigmatic beliefs I carry about my ability to pleasure myself and others, particularly women who cannot love me.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
He will destroy us!!!
Monday, November 24, 2008
A town without pity
I'm not sure why this past weekend there was so much brutality and madness in my neighborhood. Poor old Hollyweird. Its getting a bad name for itself.
On Friday night in Silverlake, an estranged husband came to his house demanding to see his children, in violation of a restraining order. The woman called 911 and the police came but the husband had fled the scene. There was an APB out for the guy, but during the time the police were looking for him, he came back to the house, killed his two children, injured his wife, and then turned the gun on himself. This happened about a mile from me.
On Sunday afternoon, a disgruntled ex church of Scientology member from Oregon brandished two five foot Samurai swords in the garden at the Celebrity Centre off of Franklin and Bronson. Two security guards blew him away defending themselves. The police have no idea why Mario Majorski, 48 years old, came all that way to do such a thing. Clearly they haven't read Kafka. This happened less than a half mile from my apartment.
Also on Sunday, later, a man in an SUV had words with a pedestrian in the crosswalk at Wilcox and Schraeder, right in front of the Hollywood/Wilshire YMCA. The man in the SUV got out, kicked and beat the pedestrian (who may or may not have deserved it). He then got back into his SUV and ran over the pedestrian in the crosswalk killing him instantly. He has still not been caught. This happened a mere two blocks from where I work at Hollywood High School.
Bottom line here folks? Watch your backs, they're getting closer
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Camp Midnight videos on my YouTube channel.
Check out the whole series of clips at www.youtube.com/Vashkan.
Mama, could I have ever been that thin?
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Holocaust's unholy hold
This story was sent to you by: firstname.lastname@example.org
This is one of the most accurate depictions of the modern crisis in Jewish identity I have ever read. My more militant Jewish friends (yes, I am a peacenik in the year of Obama) are freaking out over this article. The most frightening choice we as Jews can make, and ironically the most liberating an
Holocaust's unholy hold
The deeper we are stuck in our Auschwitz past, the more difficult it becomes to be free of it.
By Avraham Burg
November 16 2008
Reporting from Nataf, Israel — Even today, when economic storms are shaking markets around the world, posing a threat to the stability of entire countries and societies, Israel continues to conduct its business far from the turmoil, as if swimming in a private ocean of its own. True, the headlines are alerting the public here about the crisis, and the politicians are hastily recalculating their budgets. But none of this is dramatically changing the way we think about ourselves.
The complete article can be viewed at:
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Our lady of the Gibbous moon.
Saturday, November 08, 2008
Fight or flight the ism.
Reminds me of the Talking Heads song: "mmh...ism".
Now that the political season is wan, I can finally get back to the original intention of this forum. Which is? Or should I say, which ism?
After roughly four years of posts, the question remains: have I, indeed, stopped the noise in my head? Have "I", whomever that I is, found a way to stop the mind from using me and begun to use my mind? Has there been significant progress on the way to stopping this noise in my head? Have I organically stopped this noise in my head without drugs and alcohol or other numbing agents or activities? In other words, have I begun to live life on life's terms?
Everyone needs to take stock of their progress from time to time. Rarely have I actually investigated if the reason for this blogs existence has justified the means. I think it is time for a little inventory.
When I began this blog, I had no clear concept of what I was aiming for, no context other than attempting to come to terms with a curative for a suffocating condition that had followed me all my life. This mental volume had been turned down to a reasonable level by abstaining from self perpetuating and self regulating belief systems via anti-depressant technology, psychotherapy, and twelve step recovery groups, all of which continued to improve the intra-cranial sound level along with books, records and tapes, and meditative techniques taught in the near and not so near East.
After meditating further on this question, I experienced the following:
There is no substitute for the self. Nothing can fill the void but the self. There is no hope for silence and peace except the self. Accept the self. It is the only way to turn off this noise in my head, which is the noise of the world. The world is temporary and will pass away. The self is eternal. The self is love. The noise is seeing others as having what I think will make me happy and whole. The self IS happy and whole now. I have everything I need at this moment to turn down the volume. Being with the self is the end point of the journey that starts from the only place it can start from, right here and right now. This is surrender. This is letting go and letting God. Wear a rubber band and snap yourself to attention. Don't stop daydreaming, start now-dreaming. The Ego doesn't stand a chance against the nature of your presence. Talk to God. Eat at Joes.
The last part I didn't fully comprehend. But I have directory assistance and its just a whisper away.
Friday, November 07, 2008
Thursday, November 06, 2008
And love will bring me home
I can't remember the last time I was this enraged over an issue. I will not be protesting in person for personal reasons. I will be helping in the cause by posting on my blog and openly protesting in other, quieter ways. I send my thoughts and prayers and gratitude to all of you who are mobilizing right now. This is not a gay/straight issue in my mind. This is an issue about the politics of love over the politics of hate and division. This is also about growing up.
I am personally outraged beyond words, yet incredibly grateful, that those who would seek to stop love are being exposed for who they really are. This can only help them as well, in that the denial which continues to have a stranglehold on an entire people, may finally liberate them.
Make no mistake, however: Love demands service as the ultimate priority. Intolerance will be stopped as history has shown us. Need I tell you that. I pray for those who seek to stop it that, in the long run, they do not destroy us first. There are grave consequences for hatred, in whatever form and propriety it may wear.
We know who you are. You cannot win. You can only hope to stall love and then the dam will break, flooding the world with light and beauty and gorgeousness covering everything in its path in truth.
Those who seek to stop it will either sink or swim with us. Pray that you do not drown. Read your own good book. Pay heed my friends. It is already done. What an opportunity to look to yourselves, remove the shackles from your feet, and finally, truly be free.
NO ON PROPOSITION 8! NO TO THE POLITICS OF HATE!
YES TO LOVE!
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
On a more somber note, I am greatly shocked and disappointed in the passing of Proposition 8...I mean the defeat of the gay marriage proposal...I mean Proposition 8 being defeated by its passing...I mean...oh you get the point. There is no question that it will be challenged in court as a large percentage of folks who went to the polls thought they were voting FOR gay marriage. The terrible irony here is that African Americans and Latinos voted heavily for it (against...for...huh...?). I suggest that many gays are feeling significantly betrayed today after placing their efforts behind Obama. I mean dig it, the core constituency that elected Obama, done-did-in the dream of gays in California. Pretty ironic. I spoke to a gay fellow employee, who is older and active during the time of the Stonewall riots. He suggested that this is actually a good thing, as it will challenge a new generation of gay activism from a constituency that has been handed quite a lot and hasn't had to fight for it.
Also: John McCain's 55 million votes is absolutely staggering for a presidential loser. I am hearing that not only are these the most votes for a losing president in history, but that he had more votes than Nixon in '68, Clinton in '96 and Bush in
'04. Incredible! Certainly the percentage split of 52% to 46% is clear, but I suggest that it is not a popular mandate by any means. It is an electoral mandate, but there a hell of a lot of people pissed off today in America. Obama needs to tread pretty carefully and reach out to about half of America's voting base. It also shows me that this is still a pretty polarized country.
Still, the whole tone of our nation has transformed. That is nothing short of a miracle.
Last night was a watershed moment for this country. I have no idea what kind of president Barack Obama will be. But certainly last night was the first moment of its kind in my lifetime. I suggest that it is the third monumental step for African Americans with Joe Louis defeating Max Schmelling and Jackie Robinson breaking the color barrier. I speak primarily of evolutions in the status of blacks in America and not the inner struggle brought forth by Dr. King. Last night was the nuclear result of those struggles and I am truly honored to have been alive to witness it.
I had no compunctions about Obama's chances. I knew this was going to be a short evening. With that in mind, I made the decision to vote for Nader. Had there been any doubt as to the race, I would have voted for Obama certainly. But my vote was symbolic, as it would have been had I voted for the first black president. I do have some regret over knowing that I will never have that honor. But the issue of corporate control over our world was too important to ignore. And frankly only Kucinich and old Ralph unfortunately seem to be the only politicians who have addressed it, and I use the "P" world loosely in regards to Nader.
I have no idea what an Obama presidency will look like. I do have a suspicion that we may have seen the last Republican president in a very long time.
And what about Israel? Is there cause for concern? God I hope not. I hope that this administration will give full and unwaivering support of Israel without hesitation. Anything less could have disastrous consequences for my people.
But today, I am an American and an American first and foremost. God bless America for having the courage to chose wisely.
Although, about half of them are pretty pissed off today, that's for sure.